#you pretentious poodle you

[beetlehoven]

confession to make . my "the words wiggle on the page" ass is horrible with skulduggery names . i spent half of the first book thinking skulduggery didn't like a serpentine guy . a snake

[foggymartin]

It's always awful to see pretentious twats on the news, but especially when they talk about things they've had no experience in. Seeing upper class, Christian men go on and on about how we should make Britian a "Christian" place again is out of this world. Seeing upper class (and let's be real, probably Christian) men talk about how people in poverty should just *work in these shitty jobs provided by our fucked government and earn minimum wage* because what are they going to do? They basically don't have a choice. Seeing *upper class christian men* talk about women's rights, gay peoples rights, people of colours rights, like it's some kind of epic tale in a book. They have no fucking idea what they're talking about, for any of it.

Christianity is a fucked religion (controversial, I know) with again, pretentious twats speaking the "words of God" which are a load of shit. Most of the time it's used as an excuse to be a homophobe or a sexist. Okay, David, why don't we follow every single rule ever put into that musty book? Why don't we tell left handed people they're going to hell? Or tell people who are mean that they're going down there? Why is it gay people? Correct me if I'm wrong, the Bible stated "man must not sleep with *boy*" and not "man must not sleep with man." You know, because pedophila feels like more of a crime then *gay people.* just a hunch. Commenting "Jesus loves you" or "find god" on any post that is someone different. An alternative person. It's so stupid. Why do you care? Follow your little religion and fucking leave us alone.

Poverty is a huge problem across the ENTIRE world, and I'm sure that speaks in volumes about how fucked up of a world we are. The fact that these people who are fighting to survive every day are being told to "just work" by people who never had to work a day in their life for shit is infuriating. Upper class people in general irritate me. I think it's the arrogance that they have. They're a bit.. Snobbish, you know? Even from just teenage girls being naive and laughing at poorer kids for not having an iPhone, to rich adults looking down on these people with such disgust. Seriously viewing these human beings as less then their pretty little £1000 poodle. What the fuck. The government taxes people - taxes the poor people who literally can't afford it if they want to eat. And just the normal people. Why not tax the rich more? People say "oh, we do tax them." Not as much? Do they need all that money? Do they really? Why can't they lend some of that "well earned" (passed down from generations) money to people who need it. I'm sure they'll live.

People on the news talk about women and gay people like they're a shit stain on a wall, but I'm sure the stain would get better rights. It's debates about women's rights to give birth, women's rights to wear what they please, women's rights to turn down a man. Literally fucking anything a woman does is shit on by society. Gay people are debated - should being trans be allowed? Is being gay a sin? Hmm, such tricky questions... Why not just let them live? People point out "oh, that school shooter was trans" or "that rapist was gay" not to say that school shootings or rape cases are bad, no no, just to shit on the LGBTQ community. Nobody points out that a school shooter was a white man. Why don't we just say "that school shooter was a horrible person who deserves to die" and not focus on the community they were a part of? Maybe mourn the lives lost instead of rejoice in the fact that you've got new things to hate the LGBTQ community for.

What a pleasant world we live in, huh? I could go on more, but I wont. I'll probably spiral into a ton of stuff about capitalism and why it should be torn to the ground.

Jesus Christ, I wrote more than intended. Happy reading

[kathryndaily]

Cole Sprouse and Kathryn Newton Are the Screen Duo We've Been Waiting For (via WhoWhatWear)

Full interview under the cut.

When I click into my Zoom meeting with Cole Sprouse and Kathryn Newton, they're already debriefing about the SAG Awards Season Celebration party they attended the night prior with their Hollywood peers, dishing on who left when and how the night ended up. In that moment, I wished I could toss out the questions I'd prepared for them and just be a fly on the wall listening to their banter. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume the two have been working alongside each other for years based on the inside jokes and heartfelt compliments being tossed back and forth. In reality, the forthcoming comedy horror flick Lisa Frankenstein (in theaters February 9) marks the first time the actors are sharing the screen, and it's a duo so good it hopefully won't be the last.

The two have had parallel paths in the industry, something they admit to bonding over on set. Both came up in Hollywood as child actors, Sprouse from age 1 and Newton from age 4. They're each well-versed in the YA genre: Sprouse, of course, is a Disney Channel alum who starred in The Suite Life of Zack and Cody before graduating to a high schooler in the hit CW series Riverdale and featuring in rom-coms Moonshot and Five Feet Apart. For her part, Newton played the lead in Amazon's The Map of Tiny Perfect Things and a teen in Netflix's The Society. Whether because of or despite their career longevity, both have noteworthy side hustles outside of acting—Sprouse's esteemed photography portfolio and Newton's successful golf career. The commonalities run deep, yet in many ways, the two are opposites. Sprouse is cerebral and loquacious, while Newton strikes me as bouncy and lighthearted. Newton is perched in a pink sweat set with bow-adorned Ugg boots, her three poodles tip-tapping lightly in the background. Sprouse wears backless New Balance sneakers that he refers to as "dad mode" and admits to playing the video game Rogue Trader at his desk before our call. Despite these differences, their chemistry as co-workers and friends is palpable both on and off the screen.

This immediately became apparent a few scenes into Lisa Frankenstein, which has all the makings of the next cult horror flick. Set in the '80s, the classic coming-of-age story follows an angsty teen (Newton) and her love interest (Sprouse), who just so happens to be a corpse from the Victorian era. The film was written by Diablo Cody, the mastermind behind iconic camp titles such as Jennifer's Body and Juno, and directed by Zelda Williams (her dad is Robin Williams—maybe you've heard of him?) in her directorial debut. Lisa Frankenstein is 120 minutes of belly-laughing, jaw-dropping ridiculousness—a guaranteed wild ride from start to finish.

When they weren't dressed in '80s prom and Victorian-era attire respectively, I got caught up with Newton and Sprouse fresh off the set of our January cover shoot and on the precipice of a booming post-strike award season. The mid-20s actress and early-30s actor collectively have more TV and movie credits under their belts than some career actors double their age but none of the pretentiousness. They were eager to discuss their longevity in the industry and express gratitude toward the high school–aged roles that got them to where they are now. Whether it's '80s fashion, careers outside of acting, or getting to work with your best friends, it's impossible not to get excited by Sprouse and Newton when they're geeking out about what they love.

—

First of all, I'm so excited about the whole vision of this cover shoot with the retro car, the trunk luggage, and the Bonnie and Clyde references. How do you think the shoot went? 

Kathryn Newton: First of all, Cole is the consummate professional because he's always just down to play. He doesn't say no to anything. [He does] the "yes, and…" thing. So together, like you see in the movie, we really go there. We just had a lot of fun. We leaned into the clothes, the sets, and the creative direction. Cole and I were just fully in Bonnie and Clyde mode, looking over our shoulders and pretending to be in love.

Cole Sprouse: I always geek out when I get to work with photographers [I admire], too, because we just sit and chat about cameras and whatnot. It's easy when you're working with someone like Kathryn, who's also just capable of pulling out the character stuff immediately. I think being an actor on that side of the camera is always a lot of play. It's always a collaboration between the people that are being shot and the photographer—the subjects have to push themselves a little bit if the shots are really going to turn out well. It's easy when you already have a rapport with the person you're being shot with, to just push it a little.

—

Cole, you've also built a photography career for yourself, so being that you're often the one behind the camera on fashion shoots, has that altered your experience of being the subject when it comes to promoting your own projects?

CS: I'm a big believer in every department just doing what they're trained and good at. I find the more that you try to be hands-on if your role is a bit more passive, the worse the shots turn out. If you're in front of the camera, just play and go. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, and the photographer will know almost immediately. For me, it doesn't really feel weird. It's just the difference between if I want to be in a more passive or a more active role.

KN: I was wondering if being a photographer helps you create a shot. With some of these pictures, if the composition is right, the way you're posing is right, and the angle is better, it makes the image better. I feel like there are no guys who know their angles. You know how to make a shot a photograph. It was cinematic. There's an energy there. You're telling a lot of a story in the pictures with me but also in the solo ones I saw of you, like the one of you running. I love that one.

CS: Look, I don't hold back anything for the photo. It was hot out that day, and they put me in some shorts, which is a rare occasion. It's very rare to see Cole Sprouse in some shorts.

—

See that, people? You're getting an exclusive on Cole Sprouse's knees! Well, I'm excited to dive into Lisa Frankenstein because the movie had me laughing out loud. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. How did you both get involved with the project to begin with? What were your initial thoughts?

KN: I had a Zoom with our director, Zelda Williams, and I remember being really inspired after getting off the phone with her. She sounded like she was a risk-taker. She was encouraging me because one of my biggest fears of the movie is the fact that my amazing co-star Cole Sprouse doesn't speak. I was like, "What are we supposed to do here? How are we going to make a movie?" Then it was pretty much a no-brainer after reading screenwriter Diablo Cody's script. She can do no wrong, and it was just so exciting and delicious and fun. It was nothing like what I thought the movie was going to be, nor was it anything like what we shot, so I was pleasantly blown away.

—

What would you say surprised you the most?

KN: I would say it was about how big my character became. I thought my character was the quiet one and soon realized you can't be the quiet one since Cole's character doesn't speak. It changed everything. I watched She-Devil and Death Becomes Her to get some inspiration and learn to take up space. But I wouldn't have been able to do it without Cole. It felt like we were all one—Zelda, Cole, and I. We were all on the same page.

—

Cole, you basically have zero lines in the movie save for a few animated grunts. In fact, your character isn't even granted a name. You're only referred to as "Creature" when the credits roll. You've known director Zelda Williams for a while, and with this being her directorial debut, what were some of those early conversations like? 

CS: Those [grunts] weren't even part of the original [script]! Those were [improvised] on the day of. For me personally, I was excited to shut the hell up. I was like, "Damn, I've done a lot, a lot of talking over the last five, six years. What would happen if I didn't do any of that?" The script presented the challenge of needing a really strong female lead and a strong female lead that had a solid sense of humor. Kathryn came up because I had known Kathryn for a couple of years. Zelda and I put our heads together and were like, "Alright, are we going to beg? What are we going to do here to try and secure the Kathryn bag?" When she got on board, we knew that this was really going to work. Diablo's writing is like bubble gum. It's really big, but it requires delivery that is authentic and genuine in order to work, so you need someone that has a sense of timing and a sense of humor. Kathryn immediately brought the life that we needed with it.

—

Had you been a fan of Diablo Cody's work for a while?

KN: Jennifer's Body was the first horror film I ever saw. It blew my mind. It's still one of my favorite horror films. I've seen it a million times, and the soundtrack is on my phone. I was really nervous to meet Diablo because she's the mastermind behind it, and I didn't want to let her down. But she really handed it off and gave us the freedom. Even though Cole doesn't speak, the way he had created this character, no one could have done it the way he did with such care and grace. It's a really big honor to be a part of her Diablo universe.

—

Was there anything that you both had to do specifically to prepare for your respective roles? For you, Cole, it seems to be a lot of body language. For you, Kathryn, it feels a lot more about hitting the right tone with the lines and bringing that lightheartedness into it.

CS: I worked with a movement coach for three months. He was a mime, which I thought was a fun way to play with [my character's] voicelessness. He is a great dude. He drives a car that has a license plate that just says speechless, which I thought was really hilarious. We built on a lot of Buster Keaton, the old silent-movie stars. The groaning came later when we were on set. That felt like a character that was really desperately trying to speak.

So the grunting was something you just improvised?

CS: Yeah, after many years of smoking cigarettes, I can croak. Gravelly voice? I was like, "Alright, cigarettes are gonna make you some money. Silver lining. Let's go."

—

I know that you two had worked with each other prior to Lisa Frankenstein when Cole shot you, Kathryn, for a spread that ended up in Interview magazine in 2020. Was that the first time you two met?

KN: I actually met Zack and Cody ages ago. I was probably 8, and they must have been, I don't know, 12. I was at Bob's Big Boy, and they were in their booth, and I got a picture with them. [As for the shoot,] it was actually just a shoot we did in my house. That's when we made magic. We got couture gowns from Valentino. My amazing hairstylist Renato brought all these wigs. I really think it was a precursor to Lisa Frankenstein because it was a very camp shoot. I had all these ideas about how the character was a woman who kills all her husbands, and she's really wealthy now with all her poodles. The photos are some of my favorite photos ever taken of me. It was just [Cole] and his camera—really low-key.

CS: When Kathryn went, "I have three poodles," I thought, "I can go with this."

KN: He didn't ask for my dogs' availability call. You can't afford them, but they would have done it for free.

CS: Next time I need three poodles, I'll let you know.

—

In general, you're both used to playing these younger characters who are often in high school. What is it about these kinds of roles that draws you in? Do you feel nostalgic for your own high school experience? Do you feel like you get to go back and rewrite the script a bit?

KN: I think that there is an element of rewriting the script to do things you wouldn't have done in your real life. For me, though, the young audience is the most important one because they're going to continue to grow with me, and I want to continue to grow with them. I do projects because I feel like no one else can do them. I just hope that the audience does like [Lisa Frankenstein]. It's a coming-of-age story, but something that we haven't seen in a while. This one, in particular, gave me a lot of nostalgia for the movies I grew up with that are colorful and bright—[the movies where] you lean in and you don't ask too many questions. You just go on a wild ride and are entertained. 

CS:  I think I've just aged. For a while, yeah, for sure. But at 31 and playing a teen? It's just not as believable as it once was. I would be so lucky, though. I would be so lucky to play high school my whole life!

—

I think that's a good point to bring up. Cole, you just wrapped seven seasons of Riverdale, where you were on location in Canada for many months on end and many seasons on end. Do you feel ready to "grow up" as far as your next characters are concerned?

CS: I get this question a lot. To be honest, I don't think about it too much. I think there are really compelling parts all over the age map. The more that you build an idea and aim for it professionally, the less it comes true. The one thing I will say is that I would love to shoot in California. Yeah, that's the manifestation I'm trying to put out. Right down the street at the studio complexes. Come home for lunch to my own house. 

—

Do you hear that, universe? Manifesting it for you, Cole. Well, I'm curious. Age aside, what are the things about the projects you take on that you're like, "Oh my gosh, yes." Is it something in particular or more of a gut feeling? I feel like for you, Kathryn, you've had such a great breadth of projects, from critically acclaimed titles like Three Billboards and Big Little Lies to Marvel movies. Is there anything that stands out in the process of choosing the roles?

KN: The thing that stands out to me is, What am I going to get to bring to this role? Who are the people I'm going to surround myself with? What kind of conversations are we going to have on set to make this story? My process for roles hasn't really changed much. It's always been, What can I do for this movie? The second thing is, Who am I gonna get to hang out with every day?

—

I want to get into the fashion in the movie because I feel like it's so good. Your looks really capture the '80s perfectly, but I also feel like you are so comfortable in this aesthetic. What were some of the references that you brought forth? Do you create a mood board before a project like this?

KN:  [The costume designer Meagan McLaughlin] brought along actual vintage from her own closet, but then to supplement, we went to Hot Topic, obviously. I like a fit-and-flare on camera. I find silhouettes beautiful from old movies like Bringing Up Baby and Breakfast at Tiffany's, so I wanted that kind of silhouette because I thought that was very camp to have me always in a shirt and a skirt cinched at the waist. We see her character progress from wearing big gaucho pants to leaning into her powerful femininity. … When she becomes the most monstrous is when she's in her cutest outfit, in my opinion.

—

Both of you have these amazing creative outlets that you've cultivated outside of your acting. Kathryn, you are an avid golfer working with the LPGA and R&A, and you're competing and crushing it, which is so amazing. Cole, your photography, I would say, seems to be your biggest focus outside of acting. I see that a bit more with you two than with other actors in your peer group. Are these passions as necessary to your creative life as acting is?

KN: In life, you're always told you can only be one thing. I'm a golfer who acts, and sometimes, I'm an actor who golfs. If I'm not working, I go play golf with my dad on the weekend. … I just did a movie in Ireland, and one of the producers was a big golfer, so every other weekend, I got to go to these beautiful places in the country and play these incredible golf courses. I'm trying to create a space in this golf world for more accessibility for young people not to just start playing but to continue to be golfers their whole lives because it's been such a gift [for me]. It's given me a lot of confidence. 

CS: You're talking to actors that were also kid actors, right? I think that comes along with a perspective on acting that is understanding it's a job. It's a financial pursuit alongside a kind of artistic pursuit. For me, the photography thing was one area where I could flex my own creative control in a much more active way alongside an acting career that you can't predict the future of and one where there's not a lot of security. I need to do something outside of this other arena if I'm going to have a healthy relationship to work. I'm a huge proponent of actors having another career alongside acting.

—

To your point, you've both been acting from such a young age. Cole, you've been vocal about the fact that it wasn't always a choice. It was often out of financial necessity. Kathryn, you've likewise been in the industry since you were 4. How does that influence your current approach?

CS: When a lot of people talk about acting, they talk about the beauty and the passion of acting, and they forget that it's also a job. The healthiest relationship is somewhere in the middle, where you can go, "Alright, I ideally want to do one for me and one for the coffers."

KN: We found a lot of common ground, and we had some amazing discussions about it on [the set of] Lisa Frankenstein. I felt like I was so similar in my approach, where we take it seriously, but we don't identify with it. I've been an actress since I was 4. Every experience I had has been like candy. It's just been fun. I went to real school my whole life, so there was this experience of "Is school real, or is the job that I'm on set for real?" Neither one of them felt like reality. I was class president, and I did the commencement speech and everything. I loved school and being a kid who was super uncool and then going to set and shooting 15-hour days and then going back to school and having to take five tests. These are the things that have made me who I am, and I wouldn't change anything.

I can't help but think that this mindset is really unique to folks like you who have been doing this job for so many years. It's essentially the defining experience of your life. Did you ever look back and maybe feel any type of resentment or regret about the way that the industry made you grow up quicker and faster than kids your own age?

CS: Great question. I don't hold resentment. It comes with an incredible amount of privilege, and also, you do kind of know what you're signing up for. I might not have had as much agency over career decisions as a kid, but it made complete and logical sense at the time as to why we were doing the thing that we were doing.

KN: What's funny is I feel like I'm just getting started all the time. Every time I finish a project, I feel like I'm never going to work again. To piggyback on what Cole is saying, the longer you do it, the less you need to do your job. I don't need anything to do my scene. I don't need a coffee. I don't need five minutes to get ready. If you say "action," I'm ready. [Cole is similar to me in that way.] I wonder if it's because we did grow up as child actors. The roles have required more of me as I've matured simply with age and material. Now, the material just asks more of you. I feel like I'm just getting started because now I'm at a new level. 

—

I want to pivot a little to the topic of your relationship to the fashion world. You're both regulars at fashion week—Kathryn, I know you're a Ralph Lauren girl, and Cole, you attended your fair share of spring/summer 2024 shows during Paris Fashion Week as well. Is this a world that you are actively trying to further yourself in?

KN: I'm just constantly inspired. Cole is someone who I think has an amazing personal style. He says something with his looks. I don't think any of it is on accident.

What are some of the brands that you would say you have the best relationships with and that are the ones you keep coming back to in terms of your personal style?

CS: I like brands that are … unabashedly moving in a very particular direction. I think Versace leans into decadence and opulence in a really cool way unashamedly. I think Demna with Balenciaga is doing something really fun by not taking itself too seriously and creating a self-awareness that can be self-deprecating, which is so on-brand for me.

—

I am so excited to see what you both will pull out for the press tours for this movie. What are some of the conversations and themes that are being thrown around? Are either of you working with a stylist for your press outings?

KN: I know Zelda and I are contemplating if we all wear the same suit to the premiere or whether I should dress up as Lisa or if we should both dress up as Lisa and wear the wigs. I have a lot of vintage archival pieces that are from either the Versace 1997 collection or Chanel 1984. I'm in constant flux of whether I should just be myself and wear my own stuff or wear what's new. But I think vintage for this movie is where my heart's at. I think it's time to pull out the big pieces.

CS: I don't normally [work with a stylist], no. That's the first time on a press tour that I'm not working with a stylist. I actually feel way more confident when I'm just going into my own personal closet and throwing on what I wear. 

Wait, I'm honestly shocked by that. I was expecting both of you to say that you work with a stylist—if not in an everyday capacity, then at least for red carpet outings.

CS: The beauty of the relationships that I think Kathryn and I both have to these certain brands now is that we can go, "Hey, I have this thing coming up."

KN: When I was 14 for the Bad Teacher premiere, I used all my money and bought a Valentino dress. I didn't know the rules that you can ask a brand for an outfit, right? So the person I bought the dress from was like, "You need to know [publicist] Katie Goodwin." So then, Katie met me, and she invited me to the Valentino show, where [Creative Director] Pierpaolo [Piccioli] knew the dress. I wore it again to my prom. It paid off so much that I just liked fashion and Valentino. Well, you've seen my looks. Valentino has been a huge part of my fashion story.

—

What a full-circle moment. I love how genuinely that relationship started for you. Clearly, you have such a good eye. Well, as much as I could keep chatting with you two for another several hours, I realize I've kept you way over our allotted time, and you've let me!

CS: You have some really great questions. I feel bad for you because you're gonna have to find a way to condense all of this.

[juniperhillpatient]

enough pretentious posting about tragedy & romance & horror for today. this is like the third or fourth time I’ve watched this incredibly stupid like deeply asinine cartoon about animals in group therapy & it does not get less funny to me ever. the poodle has a crush on the coyote. the one eyed outdoor cat who belongs to a hoarder fights a raccoon & gets “rescued” by a hilarious & very real feeling group of women (real feeling if you’ve ever interacted with these groups irl. ya girl spent many years deeply involved with the local animal rescue scene. I know the type of people the show is parodying which makes it extra funny to me) only to unknowingly be “rescued” by the same crazy lady again. the tortoise is engaged to a shoe. there’s a dog who’s a child of divorce who bites a baby when the wife & her new beau who has a baby start getting it on. the service dog in training is obnoxious & self absorbed, obsessed with her vest & the burden & pride in it. if you spend a lot of time around animals or animal lovers you will get the humor of this stupid ass (SO affectionate) show

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

This week we’re hitting SHUFFLE on our music collection and see what comes up for you.

Aries 

Jerry Reed’s “The Legend of the Bandit” from the movie “Smokey and the Bandit” popped up for you, and not a bad start! You might not like country music generally speaking, but that’s a song you can love. Make it a two-fer this week; watch the movie and let your dog on the sofa with you. And if you don’t have a cocker spaniel, a cockatiel will do. 

Taurus 

U2’s “I Threw a Brick Through a Window” came up this time. We’re not really familiar with that track either, which is kinda on-brand since there’s a lot of you we don’t know… and that’s OK. This week be OK with not sharing everything.

Gemini  

You get the first instrumental piece of the group; Tommy Smith & Brian Kellock’s song, “You Must Believe In Spring”. It’s piano and sax jazz, but not, like… Lounge Room Jazz? It’s cool and calm to listen to. This week when you put on some background music to occupy your head, just listen to it for a change. It’s calming. 

Cancer Moon-Child 

DAMNIT, Cancer! The song you got is called “Boll Weevil”. That’s not the annoying part. The name of the group who recorded it is, and this is the legit full name… “The Presidents of the United States of America”. A name so pretentious it barely fits on the spine of a CD jewel case. This week stop being so.. You know… like Leo!

Leo 

OH! We know how you are, Leo! Always the center of attention and ready to be a drama queen. So, ready for your song and group? You get… A PODCAST?! No, seriously! You got the Buck Benny Podcast replaying the old Jack Benny shows - this one was from 1954. How ironically fitting. Bet you’ll be the only one to get this too.

Virgo 

You get a serious throw-back to the 50’s! “My Little Girl” from TT Grace; a Rock-n-Roll Doo Wop greaser song released in 2017. This week, get some engineer boots, leather jacket, and grow out your sideburns to your jawline… unless you look better in mary janes, a poodle skirt, and cat’s eye sunglasses.

Libra 

You get Rachmaninoff’s “Piano Concerto Number 2 in C Minor”. Here’s what someone wrote about it when it was first performed:

“If there were a music conservatory in Hell, if one of its talented students were instructed to write a programme symphony on "The Seven Plagues of Egypt", and if he were to compose a symphony like Mr Rachmaninoff's, then he would have fulfilled his task brilliantly and delighted the inmates of Hell.”

That was not a compliment. This week ignore the haters; we remember Rachmaninoff’s name, but not that critic’s.

Scorpio 

Back-to-Back instrumental tracks huh? Ok. You get… the karaoke track for Blood, Sweat and Tears’ song, “Spinning Wheel”. The song is older than you by a wide margin, so… roll down the windows in the car, crank up the stereo and belt out the words… assuming you even know them.

Sagittarius 

You got… It LOOKS like some kind of weird MIDI file. The hell even is this? “D_E1M1-dot-MUS”? All we can read in the file’s info is the name ”Bobby Prince” and the year 1993. Screw this. If you think we’re gunna find an old Pentium machine with a SoundBlaster16 in it to see what this is, you’re nuts. We’ll throw it on a floppy disk to you. You figure it out.

Capricorn 

For you, we found a listening that’s more annoying than the one Cancer got. Which song it is isn’t important. It’s from the soundtrack to the musical named… and I SWEAR to you this is real: “Natasha, Pierre and The Great Comet of 1812”. The plot involves characters attending an opera… in the middle of what’s been described as an electropop opera. This week just… stop being so full of yourself.

Aquarius 

Look, we are NOT picking on you this time. You got… (*Sigh*) the 80’s hit… “Canon in D” by Johann Pachelbel. In this case that would be the Sixteen Eighties. Yes, it’s got a bad rap, but it’s the basis for so many other hit songs. This week checkout Rob Paravonian’s treatise on this song on YouTube.

Pisces  

Nope. You get NUTHIN’! Last week’s Triceratops encounter killed you. You’re still dead. Perma-Dead. Necromancers with a Nat-20 and Wish Spells can’t bring you back. Come back next week.

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[angelasscribbles]

Savage Love Chapter 15: Catching Feelings

Series: Savage Love

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Riley x Liam, Riley x Drake

Rating: R         

Warnings: Mature themes

Word Count: 3,377

My other stuff: Master List.

Riley

I spent the next half hour chatting with the other suitors. I zeroed in on Hana, Madeleine, Olivia and Penelope because they were either suspects themselves, or related to suspects. I ended up talking to Kiara a lot too, because she was always wherever Penelope was. It was an odd friendship to be honest. Kiara might be pretentious, vain and a little too fond of Drake for my taste, but she was smart and politically savvy. Penelope seemed sweet enough, but she definitely wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the box.

“We still have a luncheon, a cocktail party and the derby gala.” Hana sighed.

“What’s the point of the derby gala again?” Penelope had made it no secret that she’d rather be home with her poodles.

“The gala is another chance to impress the prince and advance your position with him, of course.” Madeleine replied.

“Oh, give it a rest, Maddie.” Oliva yawned, “He’s just not that into you.”

Madeleine arched an eyebrow and sniffed disdainfully, “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

“We will.” Olivia smirked.

“The rest of you don’t worry though,” Olivia nudged me subtly in the side as she continued, “Prince Liam will be there too. Who knows? Maybe one of you harpies have a chance with him.”

“Do you think Captain Walker will be there too?” Kiara perked right the fuck up at that idea.

“Probably. He always is, but why? Who cares?” Madeleine asked haughtily.

“Oh, he’s very handsome, right Ki?” Penelope giggled.

Madeleine rolled her eyes. Kiara blushed.

Hana caught my eye, hers sparkling with amusement as she said, “Oh, yes, he’s very handsome!”

“Do you think he’s seeing anyone?” Kiara asked.

“Why do you care?” Madeleine asked, “You’re here for Leo. Not that I mind if you’d rather run off with his scruffy stepbrother, or whatever he is.”

“He’s a member of the royal family by adoption or something, right?” Penelope asked.

“What he isn’t, is a prince.” Madeleine stated firmly, as if that settled something.

“I overheard him telling Liam that he’s seeing someone.” I said with fake sympathy. Why the hell did I do that?

Kiara’s face fell, “Oh. Tres décevant.”

Hana was positively vibrating with mirth. I glanced at Olivia who was giving me an appraising look. Oops. She definitely knew I was lying, but she wasn’t calling me out on it. Yet. I was sure that conversation was coming.

My phone dinged and I looked down with a smirk. It had been exactly one hour. Liam text me first. He was nothing if not punctual.

Drake wasn’t far behind him though.

I was harsher with Drake because he did start it. Not that I could completely blame him. I did mark Liam up pretty good. I knew Drake wasn’t exactly going to be happy when he saw it. But still. If it hadn’t happened while I was actively building a relationship with a suspect, I might have found their bantering funny. They hadn’t crossed a line into actual fighting or bad feelings. But it did happen during the middle of an investigation and that was a problem. I would have to have a talk with each of them. I might have to pull back from both of them. I couldn’t jeopardize the investigation no matter how much I felt pulled to either one of them.

The luncheon with the queen was next. It was at a formal restaurant near the track. I stepped outside onto a patio for a little privacy so I could check in with Jared. I wasn’t the only one looking for privacy to make a call though.

“Mother, I’m telling you that he doesn’t like me like that…… No, yes, Prince Leo is exceedingly nice and charming but……no, he doesn’t……….Yes there are other men here, but I don’t………yes, mother……….I understand………but I’m not ready……You never listen to me! You don’t care what I want! You and father both just-OH!” She broke off when she saw me.

I made a face and shook my head to show her I was sorry for interrupting.

“I have to go, Mother, the luncheon is starting.” Hana ended the call though I could hear the sound of her mother’s voice still talking.

“I’m sooooo sorry!” I told her.

“It’s ok. If someone had to overhear that, I’m glad it was you.” She gave me a rueful smile.

“Anything you want to talk about?”

She sighed as she sat down at one of the tables, “Just the same old shit. Find a man from a good family, settle down, get married, continue the family legacy, blah blah fucking blah.”

I dropped into the chair next to her, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry you have to deal with that.” I said, taking her hand.

“Yeah, well. I’m used to it.”

“Have you considered just telling her you’re a lesbian?”

“What? No! No, no, no, no, no! That would not go over well at all!”

“But you deserve to be happy.”        

“I’m pretty sure my happiness is the last thing on their priority list.” She sounded so defeated.

“So, you and your mom aren’t close?” I was half digging for information and half actually curious. Hana was a good person, I liked her. I hoped, for her sake, that her mother wasn’t involved with the Via Imperii.

“Not really. My parents are all about expectations and responsibilities.” She heaved a frustrated sigh.

“You said this was your first time at court, your first time in Cordonia.”

“Yeah.”

“Your mom didn’t bring you here as a child? You said she was from here. Did she never bring you to visit family? I don’t mean to pry; you don’t have to answer that.”

“My mother was an only child, like me. Her parents followed her to Shanghai. She hasn’t visited Cordonia in thirty years. Why?”

“I just wonder what the big push for you to be at court is, if she doesn’t really feel a tie to here. Like it’s not her home anymore, if that makes sense.”

“It makes sense to me. But to my mother, it’s not about caring about Cordonia, it’s just about me finding a suitable match and even living abroad, my grandparents are still Cordonian nobility.”

I gave her hand a squeeze, “Well, I’m sorry and I’m always here to listen if you need a friend.”

“Thanks, Riley.”

“You’re welcome. We should get inside; they’re probably wondering where we are.”

“Right. Did you come out here to make a call though? I could leave and give you some privacy.”

“That would be great, if you don’t mind.”

After Hana left, I checked in with Jared. I also told him that Hana’s mother hadn’t been in Cordonia in thirty years and asked him to dive further into what she’s been doing in those years.

I learned nothing of any value at the luncheon. The next event of the day was the cocktail party in grand dining hall of the palace, followed immediately by the Derby Gala in the grand ballroom . The Cordonian Derby was a weeklong event. The gala was traditionally held the evening of opening day. There would be related social events and parties all week. It was ridiculous is what it was, but it gave me plenty of opportunities to socialize and get closer to my suspects.

I changed into my formal attire for the night then sent a quick text to Drake to verify our plans for later.

Olivia found me about fifteen seconds after I entered the dining hall. “Soooooo….” She drawled.

I arched an eyebrow at her, “What?”

“You told Kiara that Drake is seeing someone.”

“I did say that.” I hedged as I looked around for a waiter. I needed a drink already.

She tilted her head as she studied me, “But he’s not….unless I’m missing something, and I don’t miss much.”

“Huh. Guess I misunderstood.”

“Right. You’re up to something.”

“Like what?”

Her eyes narrowed, “I don’t know. But I’ll figure it out.”

I suppressed a sigh. Great, just what I needed. Olivia fucking Nevrakis up my ass.

“I’m not up to anything, Liv. Drake is my friend and I know he doesn’t like Kiara. I did him a favor, backing her off.”

She lifted an eyebrow at my use of her nickname but didn’t comment on it, “Uh huh.”

I knew if she mentioned the incident to Drake, he’d be far too happy about it and I’d never hear the end of it.

I avoided Drake for the entirety of the cocktail party. Partly because of the Liv/Kiara thing but mostly because being seen with him would mess up my story that I disdained the lower classes. Which was ridiculous since he’d been raised with Leo and Liam. He was largely accepted as a member of the royal family and certainly treated as such by both Leo and Liam, as well as the king and queen. A fact that I’m sure only reinforced the Via Imperii belief that the Rys monarchy needed more control and oversight.

Did people like Neville and Madeleine really imagine there was something special about their DNA that people who weren’t born into money lacked? Of all the groups I’d infiltrated, they were one of the oddest. But in the end, it just came down to amassing more power and money for themselves, so they were no different than the drug cartels or the human trafficking rings. Self-centered, self-serving with no humanity.

I avoided Liam too, focusing on charming and dazzling people like Neville, Rashad and Tariq. I also made a point to talk to the few suitors I hadn’t met yet. Anyone could be a suspect. I would eventually narrow in on Via Imperii members, but until I knew who they were, everyone was a suspect. Even those who weren’t could have information on those who were.

At the gala I was seated next to Cedric Vescovi. His endless chatter about his family’s rightful legacy having been stripped by a conspiracy against his ancestor by an illegitimate pretender to the crown, a commoner who swayed the king’s opinion, put him firmly on my radar. A simple “Oh, please, do tell me more.” Kept him talking incessantly. I made a note to myself that if he was Via Imperii, he would be a treasure trove of information.

When dinner was cleared and the music started, Liam appeared at my side, “I believe you promised me a dance?”

I gave him a dazzling smile, “I did. If you’ll excuse me.” I said to Cedric before letting Liam sweep me into his arms and onto the dance floor.

Everyone was expected to mingle at these events. What you couldn’t do was be seen dancing too much with just one person. But no one would blame me for flirting with Liam, even though I was there as a suitor for Leo. Most ladies from noble houses were raised to do exactly that, cast a wide net. Every young woman there for the social season dreamed of being queen and Leo was the most direct route to that, but he could only choose one. Liam was a good alternative. If anyone suspected anything between the two us, they’d assume I was just hedging my bets.

The social season, from time immemorable, has been about young ladies from noble houses finding suitable husbands. And about wealthy men finding suitable wives. But the power dynamics have always been skewed. The women are pranced around like merchandise for the men to peruse. It’s gross. I myself had eschewed my own debutante season. I had never participated in any of it, which turned out to be a good thing. Had my picture been splashed all over the social pages, even just locally in Monterisso, I would never have been able to have an undercover career.

I would have been a celebrity in Monterisso, a member of the royal family, but in Cordonia I was just another suitor. It was why this case had to be wrapped up before the end of the social season. Because I’d have no reason to stay unless I got engaged to the prince, which I couldn’t do because then I would be news. So even a fake engagement was out of the question.

“Riley, I’d like to apologize again-“

He looked at me with such regret that any lingering anger or annoyance on my part evaporated, “Liam, it’s fine. You really did very little other than react. But as a prince, I know you’ve been trained not to let purposeful provocation get under your skin.”

“You’re right. I’m just not used to having to employ that with my best friend.”

“I know. And that’s my fault. I really shouldn’t be-“

“No! Please don’t finish that sentence, Riley! Drake and I are both grown men who knew what the situation was when we got into it. We’ll do better.”

“You can’t make promises for him.”

“No, but I can promise that I’ll do better. I won’t let him provoke me again, even if he tries. I promise. Please don’t let this come between us.”

I looked up into his pleading eyes and I knew I couldn’t cut him off, that I didn’t even want to. Shit. When had that happened?

Drake

Watching her dance and flirt with other men all night kind of got under my skin and I was pretty sure she was doing it on purpose.

Not that I didn’t deserve it. I knew I’d been as ass earlier with Liam, but damn. I couldn’t help it. Seeing those marks on his neck pushed a button in me that I hadn’t known I had. I mean, I knew they were sleeping together. Or that they’d slept together twice anyway. And I knew when she told me she had plans with him that it was probably going to happen a third time. But seeing the proof of it hit different.

I wasn’t really mad at Liam, though. How could I be? What was he doing differently than I was? I didn’t back off after I found out she was his mystery girl from New York. I mean, I did, but only for about five minutes.

She’d been very clear from the beginning that she wasn’t going to get involved, get serious with anyone. And that hadn’t bothered me, not back then anyway. I hadn’t wanted a relationship any more than she had. Too much work, too much investment and input for very little payback. Sex was easy to come by, for me anyway. Marco had been right in his assessment of my nonexistent dating life: I never took a woman anywhere, I just left with them.

I had never planned on doing the long-term relationship thing, much less marriage, kids, none of that. Mom wanted grandkids, she had Savannah for that. My line of work is dangerous. I just didn’t see the point in having a family to leave behind if I ended up dead. My job could very well require that someday. I didn’t want to shatter a child’s heart with grief. I knew what that was like.

But fuck if this girl didn’t have me reconsidering everything I thought I knew about myself. She had me wondering what a life with her might look like. She had me doing shit I hadn’t done since fucking high school. Planning dates. Spending my free time trying to think up things to do with her, things to say to her, things to impress her. She made me feel things I wasn’t used to feeling.

Not that it mattered. She didn’t want any of that. When it came to relationships, she was basically me but in a woman’s body. An amazing, beautiful, gorgeous body. It wasn’t just her physical attractiveness that drew me to her though. It was also her intelligence and sense of humor, and don’t get me started on the things she does in bed. Jesus.

So no, I was not mad at Liam for pursuing her, not really. I was mad at myself for letting it bother me. I’d never really experienced jealousy before. Not like this. I wanted to walk across the room and rip Neville’s hands off her, and Rashad’s and Cedric’s. Shit. I was in deep, and I knew it. I was out of my element. Picking up women was easy. Getting their attention was easy. Getting them into bed was easy. I wasn’t sure how to go about keeping that attention. I’d never wanted to before.

I wanted her to like me, not just like sleeping with me. But how was I supposed to find out how she felt without scaring her off? Pass her a note in fucking gym class?    

Watching her ignore me all night was made all the worse because I didn’t know if she was still mad at me, wasn’t sure if she was going to tell me to fuck off. She’d agreed to go out with me after the gala, but that might not mean anything. She might be waiting until then to tell me she was done with me. I didn’t want her to be done with me. I didn’t want her to stop paying attention to me, I didn’t want her to leave at the end of all of this and just forget about me. I wanted something….more. And I had no idea what to do about any of it.

Liam

I knew she wasn’t as jaded as she wanted everyone to think she was. She had a heart, and it was soft and vulnerable and that’s why she protected it. I could see it so clearly. I saw it that first night in New York.

Yes, she was full of life and fire, she glowed with it. She was magnetic, drawing men to her effortlessly, most of them knocking into her in vain, unable to penetrate her shields. But she was more than that. Everyone could see the physical beauty and that spark of life that was so intoxicating, but not everyone realized how much more was simmering below the surface.

I did. And I wanted it, all of it. Not just her fire, not just her passion, I wanted her depths, her pain, her tenderness. I wanted every piece of her.

She was meant to be here, meant to be with me, I’d known it the day I’d walked into the conference room and found her there with Drake.

Speaking of Drake. I’d never seen him like he was with her. Had he ever even slept with same woman more than two or three times? No, he was completely gone on her and I couldn’t blame him, so was I. If it were any other woman, I would have backed off. I mean, how often does a man who has avoided romance his whole life actually go and fall in love?

But she wasn’t any other woman, and I couldn’t back off. I knew with everything in me that this woman was my destiny. She wasn’t there yet and that was ok. I could be patient, I could wait. I would show her that she could trust me, that her heart was safe with me. I had no idea why she felt the need to shield herself, but I knew that I would never hurt her, never give her any reason to doubt my love and devotion. It was going to take time, though. Rome wasn’t built in a day, after all.

The problem was that time wasn’t on my side. The social season had an end, her investigation had a deadline and then she’d disappear into an alternate identity again. I was willing to wait forever, but I didn’t have forever.

What I did have was faith. There were almost nine million people living in New York City and roughly sixty-six million more visited every year. What were the odds, really, of the two of us running into each other that night? What were the odds that she would then, five months later, be assigned to this case? It was fate, it had to be. Time might not have been on my side, but fate was, I just had to figure out how to help it along.

[huntersapprentice]

okay here’s my opinions of the silly songs

like I said I would

so long story short:

tier list link

if you wanna hear me elaborate for whatever reason, I will!

I should maybe go in order of the songs from yellow green to red.

“Asteroid Cowboys” was fine but Veggies in Space is kind of an episode I already don’t revisit that much, so in tandem, I don’t actually remember this song all that well. “A Mess Down in Egypt” I barely remember for the same reason; I haven’t revisited Moe and the Big Exit since the first time I saw it. And again, I haven’t seen Merry Larry since a couple months ago, and the visuals themselves were a bit squicky to me, I’m not sure why. It’s cute in concept though! (I probably sound like a really pretentious critic right now)

OKAY, moving on to yellow! “Best Friends Forever” obviously feels very “how do you do, fellow kids“ but honestly, from an in-universe lens, I just like seeing Laura hanging out, so I don’t entirely mind it. “Happy Tooth Day” I get to hear a good bit from virtue of watching The Little House That Stood pretty frequently. I like Jimmy, Jerry, and Mr. Lunt just forming a little brass trio for the first part of the song. Madame Blueberry wacking Larry with a baseball bat was really cool too. Plus, Bob doing his little yelps and shouts is always a bonus for me. I don’t have strong feelings on “The Blues with Larry“ . Except for the poodle at the end. I like the poodle. And Lincoln destroying a cookie with a guitar was pretty neat. “S.U.V“ I also don’t have strong feelings on. The product placement was bizarre though. Not that it bothers me much though. I feel like VT will just randomly slip in a reference to a real life world thing and it’ll end up making me wonder if Big Idea ever has to pay fees or whatever people have to do to say the name of a brand or a celebrity. Or maybe they just don’t and say it anyway. I know they got into some hot water with the owners of the Lord of the Rings IP over Lord of the Beans though so... yeah, “S.U.V“ is fine. I usually skipped “The Biscuit of Zazzamarandabo“ while watching The Big River Rescue. When I did listen to it fully though; it’s pretty alright. I do like the idea of Archibald just going on a road trip with some of the other guys to go see a biscuit on top of a mountain while info-dumping about on the way. “The Song of the Cebu“ is funky and I like Archibald interjecting every few minutes just to tell Larry about much of a shit show the slideshow is becoming. Archibald saying “I’ll have to speak to Bob about this“ just makes me wonder what the fuck they did behind the scenes just to end up (unintentionally) crushing Larry’s spirit the way that they did. I think it’d make for a good angst premise. I usually skip “Obscure Broadway Showtunes“ or just don’t pay attention to it when watching Pistachio, but it sounds fine. I’m just not into it. I liked the fanged stapler at the end. “The Water Buffalo Song“ is a classic, I know. There’s just not much to revisit with this one divorced from the episode it’s from. But I do like it! Or however much was allowed to be sung before Archibald came in and chastised Larry for the song. I like how Larry holds the note.

YELLOW ORANGE TIME!!! I really like “Endangered Love” but it sucks that every time I have to remember this song, it keeps defaulting to “Barbara Manatee“ as the title. Larry watches a soap opera. He dances with a stuffed animal. Bob has a “go touch grass“ moment. Bill learns to dance! It’s a nice song. “His Cheeseburger“ isn’t one of my favorites but it’s still really good. I don’t actually have a lot to say about it, but Mr. Lunt’s just iconic. “Lance the Turtle“ is good for a thrown-together-gimmick song and (unsurprisingly) Bob is always the highlight of these things for me. “Love My Lips“ has the “it’s a lip“ William Tell Overture part and I kinda like that part. Overall, good song. I like “Monkey.“ I first heard it on youtube some months ago and it got stuck in my head a bit. Seeing Bob with a tail was kinda great. OOOH “YODELING VETERINARIAN OF THE ALPS!“ Here’s the start of my favorite Silly Songs. I loved this song so much when I heard it for the first time a couple months ago. I love the Scallions + Frankencelery quartet. “THE DANCE OF THE CUCUMBER!!!” I love this song but it actually almost made me think Bob never sang before. I ALMOST FELL FOR LARRY’S TEASING! IT WAS THE HOLLOW KNIGHT CLOTHING INCIDENT ALL OVER AGAIN!!! (for context, I had a small moment in time where I thought fabric didn’t exist in the Hollow Knight universe) Aside from that, this song fucks.

ORANGE!!!!!! Okay this might seem like a weird one because I generally don’t see people talk about Sheerluck at all, but I kinda love “Gated Community”??? I just really like the rhythm of it. Once again, Larry holds a note and I really like it when he does that. “Larry’s High Silk Hat“ is great! Honestly, I think I’m just kinda into tarantella in general. “Oh, Santa“ is really cool, but now it sorta makes me think of Larry doing a “Santa Baby“ cover. I love Scallion 1′s weird little noises and also Bob just being the way that he is. “The Hairbrush Song“ is such a delightfully hammy song to me and! I don’t think I have to state what my favorite part is in this. My SECOND favorite part though is the ending part after the Peach leaves. I love that part of the song. And finishing off the oragne row, “The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything“ is just a fun song!

RED and the only thing in red; I fucking love “Belly Button.“ I’m not immune to vegetables in a boy band. The flashy zoom-ins on the members give me so much life. Khalil’s rap bit is cool, and I always enjoy the line-toeing of whether we should be considering these produce characters as plant or animal.

If you actually read this all the way through; Congratulations and I’m so sorry! And I know there’s a lot of songs I haven’t listened to and my defense is that I’ve only seen like a fourth of the VT catalogue.

It’s like 11:30PM where I am so... good night everybody!

[dweetwise]

crawling my way out of writer’s block, one self-indulgent riconti fic at a time.

word count: 3460

Felix X Ace: Reading the room

Felix hated attending work events.

They were always the same; evenings filled with nothing but pointless small talk, pretentious cocktail snacks and even more pretentious guests. The chosen venue was usually much bigger than the short guest list warranted, but Felix still felt claustrophobic amongst the sparse crowd of “elite” attendees of architects and decision-makers.

“—we’re always happy to see Richter & Golder representing. I hope you enjoy the gala,” the host of this particular event was telling Felix.

“It is my pleasure to attend,” Felix lied, donning his polite fake smile.

As far as Felix was concerned, it was just another superficial pleasantry of the evening. The award ceremony wasn’t scheduled to take place until later during the gala, and even though Felix was humbled to have won one of the categories, he never understood the need for hours of forced networking.

At least his present company made it much more bearable.

“It was good to meet you,” the host said in English, turning to Felix’s right to address the only good part about this evening.

“You too!” Ace said with a bright, genuine smile, always knowing how to make the best of every situation.

This was the first time Ace was attending a business event as Felix’s plus one, and it was also the only reason Felix still had energy to mingle with the other guests. He'd been both worried and excited to publicly introduce Ace as his partner. Even though Felix suspected most people already knew his relationship status through rumors, he wasn't sure how they'd react in public.

Fortunately, everything had gone smoothly—Ace seemed to thrive on the attention and nobody had been anything but professional when Felix had introduced him.

Of course, whenever they got a moment alone, Felix and Ace were anything but professional.

“So, how ready are we to kill someone?” Ace asked conversationally as soon as the host left them to welcome other guests.

“About 30 %,” Felix said, his fake smile being replaced by a genuine one.

“That’s not too bad!” Ace said. “We might just get through this with your sanity still intact.”

Felix couldn’t be more grateful to have Ace by his side tonight. He knew that if he’d come alone, he’d most likely be spending the majority of the event hiding in the bathroom while waiting for the award ceremony to begin.

Simply being with his partner always calmed Felix’s nerves, but being able to poke harmless fun at the other guests made the dull business event almost enjoyable.

“If I have to socialize more I wouldn’t count on it,” Felix said, giving the crowd a bored once-over. “God, I hate these people.”

“I can see why,” Ace said. “That lady with the fake jewelry in her hair? I could hear her hyena laugh from the other side of the damn room.”

Felix chuckled against his wine glass. He knew they were acting immature, but he always appreciated that his boyfriend was just as judgy as him.

“Do you see the man by the window? In the English cut grey suit?” Felix asked, spotting one of his least favorite colleagues.

“The suit that’s two sizes too big?” Ace asked, mercilessly shaming the bad tailoring.

“That’s the one,” Felix said. “He’s wearing a toupee.”

“What? Oh,” Ace said in realization. “Oh no, what is that hairline? My good man, that is not how you age gracefully. It looks like someone ironed a poodle onto his head.”

Felix snickered at Ace’s commentary, trying to mask it as coughing into his sleeve.

“How did I not see it before, it's so obv—shit, he’s looking at us,” Ace said, lowering his voice into a whisper and forcing Felix to collect himself.

“Oh god, he’s coming here,” Felix said, instinctively straightening his back. “Act natural.”

“You’re one to talk,” Ace whispered and offered Felix one last cheeky grin, before turning to the other guest with a smile.

"Good evening, Felix," the man greeted in German.

Felix tried not to stare at the poodle-toupee.

"Hello, Marco," Felix answered in English. "Have you met my partner, Ace?"

"I don't believe so," Marco said, extending a hand to Ace. "I am Marco Haas, of Haas Architects."

"Ace Visconti," Ace said, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Where are you from?" Marco asked.

"Argentina."

"Oh, beautiful country," Marco said. "Cordoba is among my favorite cities."

Felix had to admit he was pleasantly surprised by the unexpected courtesy. Marco had never been exactly rude, but he was known to be quite a snob and Felix didn't expect him to spare Ace a second glance; much less make conversation.

"It has some great sights," Ace agreed with a bright smile. "I should really take Felix some day."

"Absolutely," Marco said.

Then he turned to Felix, and Felix was wholly unprepared for what he would hear next.

"I must say, I was surprised when I heard you’d chosen such an exotic partner,” Marco said, switching to German.

Felix couldn’t reply—didn’t even know how to reply to such a comment.

Exotic? What did that even mean?

“Don’t get me wrong, he seems nice enough,” Marco said, content to talk about Ace like he wasn’t there. “I just expected you would have wanted a, hm… ‘newer’ model.”

Time seemed to freeze while Felix stared at his colleague, completely caught off guard by the casual insults to his partner. Marco looked smug and almost expectant while he waited for Felix’s reply—like they were sharing some sort of disgusting inside joke—all the while Ace was looking on with a polite smile, not understanding the exchange.

Then, Felix felt the anger bubbling up. He’d always been meek and unwilling to make a scene, brushing off every thinly-veiled insult aimed at himself and his accomplishments, but this was something he wanted to raise hell over. He wanted to call out this absolute asshat for his inappropriate comments, throwing out the status quo as he broadcasted what had just happened while Marco fled the venue in embarrassment.

Suddenly, Felix recalled an event from years ago in what felt like another life, when David punched the Trapper and the satisfying crack of his mask breaking in half echoed across the trial. Even if Felix was not that kind of man, he could vividly imagine Marco’s face twisting in pain as his nose crunched under a well-aimed punch, the ugly toupee flying off from the impact—

“Excuse us.”

Ace’s voice and the familiar hand on his shoulder snapped Felix out of it. He returned from within his own head to the present, only to realize that Marco was still waiting for his reply.

“I think we’re going to get some more drinks,” Ace said, gently guiding Felix away from the situation. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Of course,” Marco said, giving Felix that same sleazy smile before returning to his group.

Ace led Felix to a quiet corner of the room, but Felix barely registered it between the overwhelming feeling of shame now washing over him.

He'd done nothing. Even when someone insulted the person he loved to his face, he hadn't been able to stand up for himself or Ace. After all Ace had done for him tonight, helping Felix with his outfit crisis at home and being his moral support at the event, Felix was repaying his kindness by letting people badmouth him.

“You alright?” Ace asked.

There was clear worry on his features; once again offering much more consideration than Felix deserved.

“I want to go home,” Felix said, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat.

“But you haven’t even gotten your award yet,” Ace said. He looked around the room in thought, until his eyes landed on the door to the courtyard. “Come on, let’s get some fresh air.”

Felix didn't protest. He dragged his feet as he followed Ace across the room and through double doors into the chilly autumn night. Ace offered a quick greeting to a group standing just outside the door, a thick cloud of cigar smoke lingering around them.

Ace didn't stop, leading Felix further into the small garden and eventually finding a bench for them to sit on. Taking him as far away from the crowd as possible, because he knew exactly what Felix needed whenever he got lost in his own head.

“Talk to me, babe," Ace said, gently placing his hand on Felix's. "What happened back there?"

And Felix told him everything. When they first got together, learning to be honest and vulnerable with each other had been a slow process after a lifetime of lying. But now, Ace was the only person Felix felt like he could share anything with, and it was easy to admit both the harsh words he'd heard and his own failure to react to them.

"I'm so sorry," Felix concluded. "I was prepared for backlash from being in public together for the first time, but I never imagined you would be the target for it. What he said was incredibly inappropriate."

To Felix’s relief, Ace didn’t seem particularly bothered by the situation. He only offered a small hum in thought before shrugging.

“So what?” Ace asked.

“What?”

“So what if some asshole doesn’t like me,” Ace said with a grin. “You can’t please everyone.”

“But—”

“Felix, darling—we went through five years of straight up torture,” Ace pointed out. “No offense to Mr. Badly Tailored Suit, but what some unimportant old fart thinks about us isn’t even a blip on my radar.”

When put like that, Felix realized Ace was absolutely right. Thanks to his partner’s ever-optimistic outlook, he could already feel the worst of the guilt and shame fade away. Leave it to Ace to always make him feel better and put things into perspective.

“You’re right,” Felix said, feeling a smile tugging on his lips. “But I still wish I would have said something.”

“I don’t know, I think your success and our happiness kind of speaks for itself,” Ace said. “Now are you ready to head back to the party and make everyone jealous with how much better of an architect you are and how much hotter your partner is compared to theirs?”

Felix chuckled at Ace’s confidence.

“I don’t know about the first one, but I can vouch for the latter,” Felix said.

Ace’s grin widened even further, and then he was leaning closer and tilting his head up, before seeming to catch himself and remember where they were. Even though there weren't many people outside, the bench they were sitting on was far from secluded and the group of smokers could still clearly see them.

“So humble,” Ace teased instead. “Come on, let’s get back so we can get out of here sometime today.”

They returned to the venue to wait for the ceremony, though Felix made sure to stick near Lauren and his other coworkers to avoid any more unwanted comments. Time passed relatively quickly when surrounded by his own people as opposed to dry acquaintances, and soon enough, the award ceremony was starting.

While waiting for Felix’s category to be announced, they listened to presentations for the other awards and the speeches made by their winners. Most of said speeches were painfully scripted and the man who won best project of the year droned on and on about every classic architect he was supposedly inspired by.

In the midst of the boring speech, Felix had a sudden idea. Since he was receiving the award for best young architect—a stark reminder of just how old the median age in their industry was—it was up to his generation to make a change. If he couldn’t outright talk back to someone, he could at least make a point with his speech.

For as much as Felix hated public speaking, he should have been a mess of nerves after deciding to improvise on something so important—but he wasn’t. Because having Ace by his side, he knew it would be alright.

When his name was called, Felix could hear Ace’s whisper of “Go get ‘em, babe” in the midst of the applause. He made his way onto the small stage and accepted his trophy with a firm handshake and polite bow of his head to the hosts.

Then, he walked up to the microphone.

“Hello everyone,” Felix said in English, making the chatter quiet down. All the other speeches of the night had been in German, but Felix needed Ace to be able to understand this one.

“Like many others, I had a speech prepared for tonight,” Felix said. “But I think with the amount of planning and perfectionism we do every day, we could all benefit from a little spontaneity.”

A few intrigued murmurs from the crowd followed his statement. He could see Lauren chatting with Ace, the surprise clear on both of their faces as Felix threw away his carefully crafted speech.

“I’m extremely grateful to be receiving this award again,” Felix said, turning to the hosts. “Although I do hope that next year we will see it go to someone who is actually young.”

To Felix’s surprise, there were a few chuckles from the audience. He didn’t mean it as a joke, but he’d take it as an accidental success.

“I’ve talked before about how I got into architecture because of my father,” Felix said. “But even though it’s important to respect those who inspired us to get this far and the great men and women of architecture who came before us, I think it’s more important to appreciate those who help us every day.”

“So I would like to properly thank everyone in Richter & Golder, since I really don’t do it enough in our everyday work,” Felix said. “I’m grateful to my business partner Lauren and her vast knowledge and breathtaking designs, our designers Thomas, Anna and Lukas for their top-quality work, our intern Karoline for her incredible ideas, and our assistants Nathalie and Karl for their endless patience. You all deserve this award just as much as I do, and you should be up here with me to accept it.”

There were only a few members of his company attending the event, but as the crowd watched them with interest, Lauren took the initiative to lead the small team onto stage. Lukas and Anna were quick to follow her, but Karoline hung behind, looking flustered.

“You too, Karoline,” Felix said into the mic, causing encouraging murmurs to follow from the audience. The shy woman’s face flushed pink but she hurried to comply, following her colleagues up on stage.

Lauren was positively beaming when Felix handed the trophy to her, and she opted to pull him into a surprise hug.

“I’m so proud of you,” Lauren whispered.

Felix smiled into their embrace before returning to the microphone.

“I also owe so much to both my daughter Klara and her mother Elise who gave me our beautiful child,” Felix continued. “Klara is the light of my life, and anyone who has children can hopefully agree just how good it is to step away from your work to play dinosaur tea party,” Felix smiled at the memory and earned fond chuckles from the crowd.

“But most of all, I could never have done this without the support and understanding of my amazing partner Ace,” Felix said, his eyes locking with Ace’s.

Briefly, Ace’s face went slack in comical surprise, before the expression was replaced by a casual smile and a trimmed eyebrow quirking up in intrigue. Ace had always been a master of masking his emotions—even more so than Felix—but the restlessness in his body was easy to spot as he eagerly waited for the speech to continue.

“You’ve been with me through it all, not only the deadlines and delays and all-nighters, but you also helped me through the most difficult time in my life,” Felix said, an image of hooks and spider legs flashing in his mind. “You’re my best friend and my muse and I’m so lucky to have you by my side tonight.”

Ace’s smile was now wide enough to reach his entire face and highlighting the countless laugh lines that Felix adored. Acting on another impulse, Felix hopped down from the stage and walked up to the love of his life while the entire room watched.

When he leaned in for a kiss, he heard a scandalized gasp from someone in the audience, but then someone started applauding and the rest of the party politely joined in.

Felix was certain he was trembling from the nerves when he pulled away from the brief kiss. But looking at Ace’s smiling face and warm brown eyes, he knew he had nothing to be afraid of.

“Are you done?” Lauren’s voice boomed over the microphone, some giggles following from the crowd.

“Oh!” Felix exclaimed, feeling his face heating up. “Um, yes, carry on.”

His team walked down from the stage and the hosts retook their positions by the microphone, doing an admirable job of pretending that Felix’s speech hadn’t been anything out of the ordinary.

“You son of a bitch,” Ace said, beaming at him as the ceremony went on without them. “Way to put me on the spot.”

“I’m sorry, I should have asked—” Felix realized.

“Nuh-uh, you know I live for the attention,” Ace grinned. “And I couldn’t be more proud of you. That was incredible.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Felix said.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Lauren said, coming up beside them to hand the trophy back to Felix. “Take your prize and go home.”

“But the ceremony—” Felix said, looking up at the stage.

The program had already moved on to the nominees of the next award, but it would still be some time before the ceremony was over. It wouldn’t look good on the company if Felix left now.

“I know you hate it here. You’ve earned the night off,” Lauren insisted. “You did good.”

“We’ll take it from here, boss,” Karoline added with a shy smile. “I’m happy to represent the company.”

“Thank you,” Felix said with a relieved smile. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

Wasting no more time, he grabbed Ace’s hand and led him out of the building while trying to draw as little attention to them as possible. Fortunately, there were already several taxis outside, waiting for the event to end in hopes of getting a hefty tip from its wealthy guests ready to head home.

They got into the closest cab and as soon as he finished giving their address to the driver, Felix leaned back against the seat with a sigh. It felt good to finally get some breathing room after having to act presentable the entire evening.

“So,” Ace asked, gesturing to the trophy. “Can I…?”

“Of course,” Felix said, handing over the item.

Rather than appraising the trophy and maybe poking fun at its strange design like Felix expected, Ace straightened his back and cleared his throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve gathered here to reward the coveted title of Best Boyfriend of the Year,” Ace said.

Felix broke out into a chuckle, while the driver gave them a weird look in the rear view mirror.

“And I can say firsthand that the winner not only is the most talented, gorgeous and adorable man to ever exist, but also shows his appreciation to his idiot partner every single day.”

Felix smiled and listened in silence, letting Ace do his thing.

“He expertly balances his work with taking care of his family and home, making him the most thoughtful and, you guessed it, best boyfriend of the year! And the award goes to…” Ace said, doing a drum roll with his hands.

“Fel—mmph!”

Ace was silenced mid-word by Felix’s mouth capturing his own. He quickly regained his wits, returning the kiss while chuckling against Felix’s lips.

“Most winners settle for a handshake, but this is also an option,” Ace grinned. “Congratulations!”

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” Felix said, feigning surprise. “We just received word that there’s been an error in the vote counting. The winner of the award is you."

Ace looked surprised for a split second, before he was laughing the same, warm laugh that Felix fell in love with all those years ago.

“Well, it would be rude to turn down an award,” Ace said with a smile, accepting his prize. “Good thing I prepared a speech.”

As Felix listened to Ace go on about how every person he'd ever met had been preparing him for this moment in a parody of the more drawn-out speeches tonight, he couldn't help but smile and relax into his seat, thinking back on the successful evening.

Felix was grateful for the award and hopeful for what the future might bring for his company. But more than anything, he was excited about his future with Ace.

[dogsongy]

Good Boy~ (7)

Masterlist- Series masterlist - Previous- Next

Chapter 7

Summary: Miyeon opens a dog cafe with her 5 dogs and two handsome young men happen to come in on opening day.

Pairing: Yunho x reader (named Miyeon) x Mingi

Genre: fluff for the most part

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That makes sense as to why it smells amazing here.” Yunho inhaled and leaned back in his chair. “I’m Yunho by the way.” He holds out his hand for Jongho to shake. The baker glances down at the hand offered to him and gives it a firm shake. Yunho let out a hearty chuckle before glancing at his roommate. “I’m Mingi! Nice to meetcha!” He also flings out his arm for a handshake. Jongho gave a subtle smirk and gave him an even stronger handshake, nearly taking the boy's arm out of its socket. Mingi rolled his shoulders in a circle as Miyeon arrived with the coffee. 

“Jongho take it easy on them will you? We want them to come back don’t we?” Yunho laughs at his roommate's unfortunate position, almost making the same mistake of drinking his coffee without looking at it. Today’s design was a pretty lotus flower. Mingi was staring at his coffee with a big smile for a little too long before taking a sip. “Hey, I'm just being friendly to our new customers.” Jongho answered back with his arms crossed. Miyeon sighs but lets out a small laugh as the dogs finally finish their meals and run over to the guests. Mingi excitedly picks up Bomin and brings her to his face. She wags her little tail and licks his nose happily. The man lets out a small giggle as Yunho knelt on the ground and all the male dogs jump on him. Both Jongho and Miyeon take a step back to let the dogs do their thing with the boys. 

Another few people enter the cafe and Miyeon excuses herself from the boys' table to go take their orders. She also called Param and Min to come with her to have them adjust to the new people.

 “Do you guys go to school?” Jongho asked while crouching next to the table petting Yuo. Mingi glanced over at the black hair boy and watched him petting the one dog he hadn't met yet. Yunho glanced at him and thought the same but decided to answer the question before asking his own. “Yea we go to the university down the street. Do you go to school?”

“Yep, the same one.” Jongho seemed to hit Yuo’s itchy spot as she leaned her head into his hand and started thumping her leg. Yunho chuckled and sipped his coffee. “Oh really?”

“Yea me, Miyeon, and another friend of ours go to that school.” 

Mingi’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. “You guys go there too? I wonder if we’ll have any classes together this year! It would be nice to have new friends.” The tall man shows a massive grin and Bomin leans her head up to lick his chin. “Probably guess we will find out next week on Monday.” Yunho pet Heebeom as he sipped his coffee.

After a light conversation between the three about school and such, Miyeon saunters back over to the table after finishing up with the other customers. “I see you've become good friends.” She chuckled towards the 3. “Yea we all go to the same university.” The black haired man had now picked up the large poodle and cradled her in his arms. She was surprisingly comfortable in this position but only because it's Jongho carrying her. 

“Lucky! I don’t think Yuo likes us.” Mingi pouted but let out a small friendly chuckle. “That's because she loves me and only me!” Jongho smirked towards the two boys. 

“Oh stop it.” Miyeon nudged her pretentious friend. “Yuo just takes some time to warm up to people and Jongho is just extra protective over her.” She patted Yuo before stretching and sitting down with the two boys. 

[ladyartemesia]

OREOs... and Electroshock Couples Therapy

You and infuriating precinct playboy Jeon Jungkook go undercover to lure out a killer targeting engaged couples. Literally nothing goes according to plan...

Genre: Fluff/Comedy/Suspense

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Trope: Enemies/Rivals to Lovers ~ Fake Dating

AU Type: Loosely Brooklyn 99 (with a hint of Smallville) Police Detectives AU

Word Count: 3315

Rating/Warnings: (PG-15) kidnapping with threat of harm (not graphic) ~ mature themes and innuendo ~ light/implied smut

“Your delusions have run away with you again.”

“My delusions? Now I know it was you. You’re even more insufferably pretentious when you’re trying to hide something.”

Jungkook grinned.

“Brilliant theory, Detective. Shame there’s no way to prove it.”

“You could confess,” you fumed tightly.

His grin became positively gleeful. You were this close to tasing him.

“Do you genuinely expect me to confess that I ate your last Oreo?”

“It was a violation of human decency.”

“Yes, and when we find the culprit, I’ll be sure to tar and feather him.”

“You’re not taking this seriously, Jeon.”

“Now, whatever gave you that idea?” Jungkook asked as he folded an arrest report into a paper airplane.

You were saved from responding when Captain Kim barked both your names across the precinct.

“Detectives _______ and Jeon. My office. Now.”

Namjoon sighed as he watched the two of you bicker all the way to the door.

It’s like having extra children. 

“We’ve got a case. Commissioner marked it top priority and you two are taking lead as of right now.”

Your forehead wrinkled in confusion and Jungkook raised a single curious brow.

“But Jimin is my –”

“Why not Hoseok?”

Namjoon raised a hand to silence you both. You weren’t teaming with your regular partners. Questions were to be expected.

“Jimin’s staying on that trafficking case while you work with Jeon. We need to draw out a perp targeting engaged couples. Thus far, all of his victims have been a male and a female, mid-to-late twenties. You two fit the profile, so...” he grinned, “congratulations on your engagement.”

 🕵🏻‍♀️👰🏻🤵🏻🕵🏻‍♂️ 

As special cases went, this one was … truly bizarre.

The victims always disappeared a few weeks before their wedding. Some couples were abducted, then later returned to their homes or vehicles with no memory of the previous 48 hours.

Others turned up dead in alleyways.

Ligature marks and burns on the bodies indicated the use of restraints and electrocution. After some digging, you discovered that all five couples visited the same jeweler and the same bakery in the process of planning their wedding.

Jungkook nibbled the tip of his pen, absently tugging his curls as he scanned the case files.

It wasn’t sexy.

It wasn’t. 

“Looks like this is the best lead we have. Even though some of them ended up choosing other bakeries and jewelers – they all came through those shops.” He tossed the pen across his desk and stretched back in his chair – causing his shirt to strain over his chest. 

You gulped.

Is it, like, hot in here? -your eyes lingered momentarily on his biceps- Why is maintenance messing with the thermostat right now? People are trying to work-

“Hello? Earth to Detective Space Cadet.” Jungkook waved a tattooed hand in your face. “Are we going with my idea?”

He had an idea? I must have missed it during that brief bout of thirstiness hot flash. 

“I – uh – was analyzing some of the victim profiles …-in my head-” you paused to loosen your collar – which was suddenly strangling you, “-so could you just run it by me once more?” 

Detective Jeon raised a single eyebrow.

“Daydreaming about me again?”

Yes.

“No. I was actually daydreaming about my last Oreo,” you leaned forward with an eyebrow raise of your own. “Really, it meant so much more to me than you do.” 

He laughed and you felt yourself smiling (against your better judgement). 

“Always so cold, Detective. I think you may have hurt my feelings.”

“Impossible,” you sighed airily, “we both know you don’t have feelings.”

“Says who?”

“Gina from Forensics.”

“Fine. Who else?”

“Wendy from Missing Persons.”

“Doesn’t count. I was very drunk.”

“Jimin’s sister.”

Jungkook winced. 

“Is he still sore about that?”

“I wouldn’t accept food or beverages from him any time in the next decade.” 

“That’s fair.”

It was your turn to laugh and Detective Jeon had the decency to blush. He recovered quickly, however.

“As I recall, there was a lot of feeling between those lovely ladies and myself.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Spare me Jeon. If I want to learn about baboon mating habits, I’ll watch Animal Planet.”

Jungkook hissed in feigned pain and clasped his hand over his heart.

“Ouch. Direct hit.”

“I am the top marksmen in the precinct.”

“Hey” he sat up – abruptly serious, “We’re tied.”

“For now.”

“Until I beat you.”

“Until you are beaten by me.”

He bit his lip and grinned – crinkling his nose in a way that was unfairly adorable. 

“Kinky.”

“Oh-KAY,” you swiveled away in your wheelie chair and threw a paper clip at him (which he caught handily). “You were telling me about your plan?”

“Yes. While you were daydreaming about me-” (you snorted at that, but he pretended not to hear) “-I suggested we couple up and head to those shops. Maybe our perp will take the bait.”

You shrugged, “Sounds good.”

Gathering your coat and bag, you tossed a quick glance over your shoulder - already halfway out the door. 

“I’ll swing by my locker and change into a dress or something. Meet me by the front gate in 10 minutes.”  

Jungkook followed after you - catching up as you entered the elevator.

“I noticed you never denied being kinky.”

His grin was seven different types of sinful and if you were even the tiniest bit weaker, you would have cuffed him to the lift rail and addressed his statement explicitly.

You, however, were no Gina from Forensics.

Instead, your features twisted into a knowing smirk as you steered yet another moment between yourself and the delicious infuriating Jeon Jungkook into safe and familiar territory.  

“Impressive,” you drawled cheekily as the doors began to close, “I can see why they made you a detective.” 

 🕵🏻‍♀️👰🏻🤵🏻🕵🏻‍♂️

The bakery was a famous family-owned establishment near the center of town. Its current owner, Kim Seokjin, had been crowned the city’s most eligible bachelor for 5 years running. 

The man in question was, at the moment, personally campaigning for your vote.

“Now open wide,” he murmured as he slipped a sumptuous square of Seokjin’s Signature Red Velvet ™ between your parted lips. 

Your eyes rolled back into your head. “Oh, that’s delicious,” you moaned.

Seokjin chuckled. “Thank you. I always hope customers can taste my passion in every bite.” The seemingly innocuous words sounded positively lewd dripping from his luscious mouth. You briefly forgot how to exhale.

The baker leaned in a bit closer and brought up his thumb to wipe away non-existent crumbs from your lips, “I find it really helps me connect with them,” he whispered intimately.

You were literal seconds from licking icing directly off Seokjin’s finger when-

“Okay. That’s enough of that.” 

There was a firm tug on your elbow and you collided hard with Jungkook’s chest. It took a moment to regain your bearings (you were still slightly dazed from looking directly into Seokjin’s eyes), but suddenly Jungkook and Seokjin were staring each other down over a plate of cupcakes and all of Jungkook’s limbs were entangled with your own. 

His legs rested on either side of your hips, his left hand latched around your back and torso - pinning you to him from chest to knee caps, and his right hand -

A surprised squeak slipped past your lips as he fully palmed your backside.

Mouth agape, your gaze shot up to meet his, but Jungkook was still glaring stoically at Kim Seokjin. He didn’t even flinch when you pinched him under the arm. 

Frankly, you had not envisioned a scenario like this when you reported for duty this morning. Your mind struggled to process a reality where you were plastered all over Jeon Jungkook - surrounded on all sides by pastries and angry beautiful men - and oh my gosh that hand was still on your-

“Find what you were looking for, babe?” his familiar voice snapped with an extra edge of possessiveness that you absolutely - definitely - for sure - totally hated and did not make you shiver involuntarily.

Lies, lies, lies...

Seokjin’s eyes narrowed. A cool smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. 

“I think the lady was very satisfied with what I had to offer.”

Jungkook’s jaw twitched. 

Oh boy…

You learned long ago to dread that jaw twitch. 

It was the jaw twitch of I-will-win-this-even-if-I-have-to-break-every-bone-in-my-body-and-burn-down-a-building-in-the-process.

Visions of flying muffins and bloodshed danced behind your eyes. 

Not to mention Jungkook would likely wreck Seokjin’s face and that would be a travesty.

Time for some drastic measures.

Thinking quickly, you slid your hands up over his chest to bury your fingers in his hair and yanked his face close to yours.

“Baby,” you purred, letting your lips brush ever so slightly over his, “I wanna go look at rings now.”

Jungkook’s eyes darkened immediately. Tension thrummed in the space between you. Your body suddenly seemed to poised to ignite as you pleaded prettily with him. 

“Won’t you take me, love?” 

The was a sharp flare of something in his gaze and the next thing you knew Jungkook was sweeping you toward the exit - right hand still firmly planted on your-

“I look forward to seeing you again soon,” Seokjin called out - in a tone more suited to a bedroom than a bakery. 

Jungkook froze. His jaw twitched again, but you were out of patience. 

“Come along now, Poodle,” you growled before dragging him out the door. 

 🕵🏻‍♀️👰🏻🤵🏻🕵🏻‍♂️ 

“What was that?!” you hissed after walking a suitable distance from the bakery. 

“I was about to ask you the same question. I can’t believe you called me Poodle!”

“You're lucky that’s all I did. Between the butt grabbing and the chest beating, I was tempted to bash both your heads in with the complimentary tea tray.”

He snorted. 

“I was just maintaining my cover - unlike you.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You’re my fiancé, Muffin. Drooling all over Kim Seokjin’s goodies while he touches your mouth doesn’t exactly scream ‘I’m in a committed relationship’.”

Your jaw dropped and you sputtered out a noise that was equal parts guilt and exasperation.

“I was probing for information!”

“And he was about to probe right back,” Jungkook muttered.

“What was that?” you snapped. 

“I said the jeweler is on the corner of 5th and Womack.”

 🕵🏻‍♀️👰🏻🤵🏻🕵🏻‍♂️ 

The tension between you and your ‘fiancé’ was palpable by the time you finally entered the jewelry store. 

“What kind of ring were you looking for, Precious?” Jungkook gushed with nauseating sweetness. 

“The biggest and most expensive we can find, Cupcake!” you cooed through clenched teeth. 

For several minutes you wandered aimlessly through the store playing the role of a hard to please couple (employing increasingly more obnoxious pet names with each exchange). 

The clerk, a tight featured man with tiny glasses, kept shooting disapproving looks and sniffing loudly whenever you asked to see anything. After a few minutes of irritable huffing, Jungkook lost patience. 

“I’m surprised this place is still in business, Cuddles.”

You snorted, equally put off by the jeweler’s brisk demeanor. 

“I think we’re done here, Kookie Bear. I parked the car in the garage by Maxwell Market. If we get back in ten minutes, we won’t be charged for another hour.”

The last thing you remembered before completely blacking out was a sharp pain in your neck.

Then you opened your eyes to very real trouble.

 🕵🏻‍♀️👰🏻🤵🏻🕵🏻‍♂️ 

It felt like there was a knife in your forehead - probably a side effect of whatever drug was used to knock you out. 

As your eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lighting, you became aware of several things at once. 

You and Jungkook were strapped to chairs facing one another in (what appeared to be) someone’s basement. Electrical stimulators simmered menacingly over various contact points on both your bodies.

...ligature marks and burns on the bodies indicated the use of restraints and electrocution…

Your gaze traveled cautiously over your partner. There was a cut near his temple - probably caused when he fell after being drugged - other than that he looked unharmed, but his eyes were still closed and his breathing seemed labored. 

“Jungkook,” you whimpered. Your voice sounded cracked and raw. 

How long were we out? 

After a moment his eyes opened and his panicked gaze darted frantically before landing on you. 

It suddenly occurred to you that his face might be the last thing you ever saw. The thought prompted a strange sort of comfort as well as a powerful surge of emotion. 

A single tear slid slowly down your cheek. 

Your head wasn’t entirely clear yet, but you could vaguely hear the jeweler rambling on about how he was going to save you both from the pain he suffered.

“What ...pain?” Jungkook’s voice sounded as rough as yours. He was still fighting off the effects of sedation. 

“The pain of lies,” your captor hissed. “My wife’s lies destroyed me. I lost everything. I never would have married her if I’d known-”

His unhinged monologue continued in that manner for several uncomfortable minutes, but he did finally get around to mentioning why you were chained up in his cellar.

“-to find the truth. If you want to save each other, you must tell the truth.”

Your eyes fell to your fingers, already knowing what you’d find there.

“Lie detectors?” Jungkook whispered incredulously.

“To know for sure if you truly care. Your lies hurt the one you love. Down here, your lies will kill her.”

“What are you saying?” Jungkook snarled. His voice dripped with real menace.

“I’m saying, if you lie, this will happen.” He pushed a button on the small remote in his hand and excruciating pain suddenly tore through your entire body. 

You screamed. 

“Stop!” Jungkook shouted. His body jerked against the chains and the chair creaked precariously beneath him. “I will kill you, you bastard!”

“No! You’ll thank me for sparing you the pain of heartbreak.”

“We aren’t engaged!” you gasped, still shaking from the aftershock. “This was a ruse - to - to draw you out. We can’t pass it-”

But the jeweler ignored you and cranked up the voltage on his machine.

“First question to the groom. Are you hiding anything from her?”

Jungkook swore and yanked against his chains again. 

“Answer the question or I’ll do it,” the jeweler warned. “Your silence can deceive as well.”

You whimpered in terror and Jungkook howled with rage.

“Yes. I am,” he bit out tightly. 

The voltage cranked again and another tear drifted quietly down the side of your face.

“What are you hiding?”

Jungkook’s eyes dropped in shame, but he didn’t hesitate. He couldn’t.

“I do eat your last Oreo. Every time. The first one was an accident. I thought they were Jimin’s... I don’t even like Oreos that much... But I make sure I always get to yours.”

You couldn’t stop a pathetic cough of laughter. “You’re confessing to the Oreos? ...Really?” Your body shook as more silent tears tracked down your face. “Jeon Jungkook you’re so strange,” you whispered softly - almost tenderly.

The jeweler’s eyes narrowed.

“There has to be more than that!” He cranked the voltage again. “Tell her what you’re really hiding!” 

 Jungkook’s jaw clenched.

“She comes to see me when the Oreos disappear. I work mostly homicide and she’s narcotics. We were paired together on a task force a couple months ago and since then I...”

His eyes squeezed shut as he fought for the right words. When they opened again, he was speaking only to you. 

“Our paths don’t often cross, but when you find me to yell about the Oreos... it’s the best part of my day.”

His gaze dropped as he continued, “There hasn’t been anyone else since the moment we met…” He heard your quiet gasp and his mouth tilted into a small tender smile.

“There’s only you,” he whispered.  

The harsh scrape of a lever being pulled caused you both to jump. Jungkook grunted in pain. He passed the test, but the charge was live on his body now.

It was your turn to face the truth.

“Tell me,” the psychotic jeweler snapped - clearly disappointed that no one had died yet, “do you love this man?”

Your eyes widened and Jungkook’s head shot up. Your gazes locked significantly and you felt your heart wrench.

“It’s ok,” Jungkook whispered. “Just tell the truth.”

His beautiful face was filled with trust and understanding. 

You knew what he expected your answer to be.

You knew what you’d say if his life wasn’t on the line.

But only the truth would keep him safe. 

“Yes,” -your eyes fluttered shut - it was too much to face him when everything you buried deep down was now laid bare between you- “I do.”

You saw him flinch - as if he expected the pain to come.

But it never did. 

For a moment there was only excruciating silence... then the barest whisper of your name passing breathlessly over his lips. 

“NYPD! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!”

You had never been so happy to hear Sergeant Min’s voice in your entire life.

But he’d come too late to spare either of you a confrontation with the truth.

 🕵🏻‍♀️👰🏻🤵🏻🕵🏻‍♂️ 

The next several hours passed in a blur. You were separated from Jungkook almost immediately. You caught one final glimpse of him as you were both loaded into ambulances.

His gaze stayed fixed on you as the doors closed. 

You vaguely recall giving statements and Namjoon yelling - a lot - like he always does when he’s worried. 

He hugged you so tightly. 

At some point you started to cry.

There was a constant stream of doctors and psychologists...

Then they sent you home. 

Mandatory Crisis Leave. 

Loud banging startled you off the couch and onto the floor of your apartment. It was only the second day of leave, but someone was already interrupting.

In hindsight, you should have known exactly who it was.

“Jungkook ... ”

He looked so wonderful it almost hurt. You savagely beat back the urge to slam the door in his face and bury yourself underneath a pile of blankets.

“I’m... really tired of eating those Oreos.” 

His jaw worked reflexively. After a moment, his eyes crept up to meet yours.

You nodded. 

It was literally all you were capable of doing.

“I want to talk to you every day,” he said with a little more confidence.

Tears began to prick the back of your eyes. You nodded again and he stepped slightly closer.

“I want to hold you. And not just when we’re undercover.”

You laughed. Tears began to fall in earnest.

Jungkook’s hand rose cautiously toward your face and you leaned forward ever so slightly, allowing his thumb to soothe away the wetness on your cheek.

“I am in love with you... and- and I have no idea what I’m doing,” he lowered his forehead to rest gently against yours, "but from now on... I want to do whatever it is with you.”

Pure burning joy bubbled up from your chest as you surged forward - finally pressing your lips to his.

There was laughter and more crying as you stumbled together into your apartment, shutting the door on the outside world to lose yourself in each other.  

As you lay in his arms several hours later with the echoes of his touch still humming over your body and your mouth still swollen from his kiss, you realized that what you’d been running from all those months was nothing more than your own fears.

Here - next to him - was where you were meant to be all along.

Ask My Muse: Have a question for the characters in this work? Send it to my ask box and hear their side of the story.

Endnote: This is an extensive rework of a piece I originally wrote for another fandom (if you see it elsewhere - but with Reylo - it’s me - I promise). It is based heavily on the plot of one of my favorite episodes of Smallvile (I was a huge Smallville fangirl back in the day). The dynamics are inspired by one of the greatest shows of all time - Brooklyn 99. I haven’t written much for the BTS fandom, but I would really love to hear what you think!  (Let me know what you thought pretty please?) Much like Jimin I survive primarily on takeout and praise.

[summertimeflamingo]

people are sooo weird about groomed poodles they’re like “yeah only annoying rich pretentious people style their poodles like that” you’re telling me you wouldn’t customize your dog if you got a poodle?? your dog would look like a bland human skyrim default man and my dog would look like an electric blue lizard man with a mullet. my dog might HAVE a mullet. unless my hypothetical pre-pet research indicated it was unwise for the pets health somehow that bitch would get a new haircut every time it grew back out and it would be BRIGHT PINK (radish water babes, as long as it isn’t allergic you can dye any white animal you like pink unless it can’t get wet like rabbit chinchilla etc just dab someone on and magic pink pet just be smart about it and have water and radishes) i’m poor as fuck i’ll do it with kitchen scissors like i do my own hair lol (also my big sis cuts it with a knife sometimes and it makes it a cool texture that styles really well but i wouldn’t use a knife on a dog cuz they move around a lot i don’t trust that bitch to stay still i’m not even allowed 2 use them on myself much less a wigglebeast LOL) like if i ever got a poodle they would have to classify her a traffic hazard. neon green collar ultramarine leash dog sunglasses if she likes them. it would be sick. you guys just aren’t Enlightened like me and you let rich people ruin things for you. they can’t steal CustomDog from me. people are gonna be like “what the fuck is that” when i walk around with my awful triangle dog and i’m gonna love it. this was just me complaining about a cool idea getting passed up and now i kinda want a poodle 🤔🤔🤔

[nochiquinn]

campaign 2 episode 128:

continue to not chat on twich

marisha has been given an excuse to tie-dye

I'm already vibrating with anxiety, I'm not gonna make it through the episode

now polymorph him

he can't counterspell you if he's a turtle

caleb's a simple man, he sees trent, he does fire

liam already doesn't know how to do math, this is good

mala: you know what, they should take Trent to fight Lucien

stop magicking at hiiiim veth you have a guuuuun

throw sprinkle at him

"I think we broke dungeons and dragons"

"you have to say counterspell so I can counterspell you"

oh thank god

"holy buttholes"

marisha is just literally sitting on the back of her chair

if anybody remembers when the crowd chant for Adam Page was "cowboy shit", now you know how I say "dope monk shit" in my head

POODLE-'PALERS

hugs :(

trent eat shit and die challenge

go FUCK yourself you manipulative fucking cocksmear

"all you had to do was ask" fall off a cliff and dieeeeee

I want to draw for adhd reasons but also my hands are shaking so bad

trent making new accounts to get around an IP ban

ugHHHH I was worried about thiiiiis

"caleb's not having a good time" LIAM is not having a good time, he's about to pass out

someone make liam hydrate

fjord can feel the cosmos

v e t h

if any one of them gets even a little bit hurt caleb's gonna throw himself off a cliff

mala: Caleb's PTSD: this is why we didnt want friends

jester

one for kima. when they go get her. to come with them.

(I know kima's not coming, let me dream)

yezaaaa

travis doing the very slow dice roll to give laura time to do guidance

baptist ptsd flashbacks

I need this art

caleb's not having a good time

would caleb have bothered trying to appeal to anyone about it before the cobalt soul did right by beau?

caduceus's brain is my brain at all times

oh gross. I hate that. I hate everything about that.

did he make that name up on the spot or does he have a whole Chateau staff rolled up

mala: respectfully (deragatory)

butt facetime

"I miss people. I miss hugs." liam I don't need this

that sounds cozy as fuck

I'm a simple person, laura bailey cries, I cry

yeza speaks, I cry

veth you are selling this very poorly

caleb can't get more than ten feet from his emotional support halfling

"he's dead"

if that child learns magic yeza is going to have a coronary

caleb working to create a generation of wizards without intense emotional trauma

"I don't have a hat"

the SHADE

cad: if we can get down there without using the stairs

beau: am I a joke to you

"to bren" [kill bill sirens]

OH! IT THEY!

themmmmm

I'm gonna be so sad if they're actually evil

I don't want any of this

I mean I'm loving it but also I don't want it

mala: all of Luc's training was for this moment

aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA

marion :(

caduceus casts xanax

"information gathering expedition to the astral plane" he's so pretentious, it's a fucking nap

is beau's thing only spoken languages?

caleb's decision-making rights revoked

nobody is allowed to have ideas anymore

this is such a clusterfuck

my giiiiirl

you could see matt choosing violence in real time

Fish Date....2!!

[gancena]

The Masked Singer HCs, Season 2

Note: These are strictly for the masks as if they were their own characters, although some are absolutely inspired by the real masks’ secret identities. Because doing HCs for real people is just kinda rude speculation. 

Butterfly

--Can really fly!

--Bonded with Thingamajig ever since their heckin’ excellent Smackdown 

--She WILL kick you if you’re mean to her friends.

Egg

--As fashionable as he is graceful, and he’s graceful AF

--Do NOT do anything to mess up his clothes. If *he* tumbles, that’s fine. If you *make* him tumble...

--Bonded with Skeleton after their Smackdown

--More of an ice skater/rollerblader, but occasionally seen skateboarding with Elephant and Robot. At any rate, they also hang out often.

Thingamajig

--The sweetest softie you’ll ever meet omg--looks like a cinnamon and IS a cinnamon roll

--Open-minded, humble, kind, and patient

--Would never be mad at anyone, just disappointed

--Knows ASL and regularly tutors others

--A saddened Thingamajig would move anyone to tears and/or inspire others to obliterate the sadness.

Skeleton

--Everyone’s kooky Grand Dad

--A punmeister to parallel Poodle

--Very little physical strength--he’s bones, for goodness’ sake!!!

--Picked up a lil tap dancing, since his bony feet already make noise when he walks

Ladybug

--That golden ‘stache is for real!

--Unafraid to tell someone if she thinks their opinion is dumb

--Generally very outspoken, with a bit of a lack of a filter

Rottweiler

--The best visual artist among all the masks. He has absolutely hand-drawn portraits of everyone.

--Looks like he could bite your head off but is a cinnamon roll.

--Not usually a sporty guy, but there’s something about throwing and chasing a ball…

--Prepares, plans, and practices every major endeavor.

Tree

--A great baker and cook

--THE holiday hostess among the masks -- she likes when people gather and have a good time, after all!!

--She jingles when she walks!

Ice Cream

--THE biggest gamer among the masks. Knows all the hard-to-pull tricks of the biggest games, but is chill enough to not be a pretentious prick about it.

--Very good with technology as a result.

--Eyes always shut unless something really surprises him (more on that later)

--MEMES -- yes, including Fortnite dances. Deal with it.

--Surprisingly good heat endurance. Also best cold tolerance among the masks-- he doesn’t need a single extra layer in the winter.

Black Widow

--An old friend of Flamingo’s

--No more hoverboarding, ever.

--Has a butt and she KNOWS it

--Enjoys learning about and performing divination

Leopard

--Retains all his formal and dignified character and then some

--Treats Kitty like an adoptive daughter

--Enjoys photography and architectural sketching -- has done background for Rottweiler’s pieces 

--Most likely to call for a group photo. He lovingly frames every single one.

Flamingo

--An old friend of Black Widow’s

--So full of life and energy

--Absolutely has a vlog, but totally cross-promotes Unicorn’s blog

--Actually, she’ll happily promote anything the other masks are doing

Panda

--Does not know her own strength

--Big eater, but not as big as Hippo. Still, rarely seen without a bamboo stick or similar snack on her.

--Loves contact sports--she’s gotten in on Hippo and White Tiger’s football practices

Flower

--An excellent baker, having picked up most of her skills from Bee

--Liable to literally kick off her shoes at a moment’s notice, though she’s more careful about it ever since she managed to lose one…

--Enjoys getting gussied up, even with no special occasions abound. Also enjoys treating her friends. 

--Actually, she won’t usually treat herself unless she can also treat someone else. She just likes it better that way.

--Gets together and sings with Bee and Mouse

Eagle

--Actual doctorate of psychology, meaning many busman’s holidays abound…

--As a result, he probably knows the most about all the other masks. He secretly wields this knowledge for good (e.g., knowing how to best diffuse a rising conflict between any given set of masks)

--Tendency to wander around the immediate area if distracted/insufficiently occupied

Penguin

--Most likely to give out butt pats (with permission)

--Activist and protector, much like Lion--they’ve joined forces before

--Understands very well that everyone’s different--one of the most agreeable masks so long as you’re not hurting anyone

--Bounces back easily

Fox

--Considered a huge ace among the masks, capable of multiple kinds of performance

--Old friend of Rabbit’s. Currently partners in crime.

--A trickster streak, but more subtle.

--Also an old friend of Llama’s! He’s probably even the main reason Llama’s around.

[rhetorical-ink]

Rhetorical Ink Reviews: Yuri on Ice!!!

** SUPERCHARGED SPOILERS BELOW ** 

One of my friends recommended this show a long time back, but I just now got to it. After watching the sub, then the dub, then the dub AGAIN...yeah...it’s time to review it for you all!

It just so happens that I also get to watching this show as Pride Month begins in June. What a coincidence...anywhoo, without further ado, and ten thoughts are NOT enough, here are: 

My Top Twelve Thoughts on Yuri on Ice!!! Season One:

12. I don’t do this a lot for anime, but I actually recommend the Dub. I love the original Japanese, but the dub is just...wonderful. 

Plus, the voice actor for Yuri is PERFECT. Can you believe it’s the same voice actor as both Tendo in the Haikyuu!!, Tokoyami in the My Hero Academia dub, AND Tyrion Callows from RWBY?! The RANGE on Joshua Grelle, y’all!

Bonus, the Russian accents for the VA’s of Viktor and Yurio are ADORABLE.

11. The three main leads are just so three-dimensional. I may have never related to a protagonist more than Yuri Katsuki. Yuri starts out the series having made it to the Grand Prix Skating Finals, only to place last. Down-heartened, he slumps into bad eating habits and lacks any motivation; moving back home after being away for five years as a professional figure skater. 

We’ll talk more about Viktor and “Yurio” below individually, but Yuri is such a empathetic character and you really root for his development and growth as the show goes on and he grows more and more confident as a skater, and a person.

10. Before we dive into our other main protagonists, I want to say that the side characters are fleshed out, too, for what we see of them. Minako, Yuri’s ballet teacher, is a perfect representation of all us fangirls watching the show, and there are the other skaters, which I’ll go into detail about below, too, but I want to focus on Yuri’s childhood friends Takeshi and Yuuko Nishigori in this point. 

When we first meet Yuuko, we get the idea that she was Yurio’s best friend as a kid. There’s this Lily and James Potter moment with Takeshi, as he makes fun of Yurio as kids and comes across as a snot-nosed brat. Just as I think in the first episode that Yurio is about to confess his love to Yuuko, we find  out that she’s actually married to their other childhood friend, Takeshi. And they have a set of triplet daughters, appropriately named Axel, Lutz, and Loop. Ha. 

I do like that later on we actually see Takeshi’s grown up -- he no longer teases Yuri in a mean way; he’s actually a huge supporter of him. I like that we see how these characters have matured and stayed friends. Not to mention the three girls are pretty much a catalyst to the plot of the story. 

9. Okay -- I absolutely LOVE Yuri’s character and relate to him the most -- but how can you NOT LOVE Viktor Nikiforov? 

It would have been easy to make Viktor a pompous, playboy, especially given how successful he’s been as a skater from the start of the story.

But instead, they reveal that Viktor is a sweet, determined, passionate dork who loves his poodle Makkichan and is a fool for figure skating. His constant enthusiasm is infectious and he comes across as a character you just WANT to be friends with. 

The more the show goes on, though, we learn how Viktor is so entrenched on the positive side of the emotional spectrum that he doesn’t handle emotional distress well -- now, THAT I can relate to a lot. When Yuri has a meltdown, Viktor struggles to respond in a way that’s not awkward or insensitive. But, deep down, he just wants the best for those around him, as we see with him motivating his fellow competitors to do their best. He’s also worried about his thinning hairline -- poor guy, being around Viktor’s age, I feel his pain.

8. Despite coming across as a pretentious punk, Yuri Plisetsky from the first episode, we all agree that “Yurio” as he’s nicknamed is actually a giant Piroshki covered in cinnamon? He comes across as constantly irritated, rough, and displeased. But when he’s around his closest friend and grandfather, he shows a softer side to him. He’s definitely an embodiment of a Russian cat. 

I also love that Yurio is impatient to prove his talent, and constantly wants to act more mature than he really is -- WELCOME TO THE MADNESS, ANYONE -- but he is also aware that he’s not going to be that youthful for much longer, and wants to maximize the potential for what he can do in the moment. Should they continue the show into a second season or in the movie, I hope that Yurio growing older is touched on. He makes constant references to Yuri being the age for retirement, and calls Viktor a “geezer” in skating years -- it would be interesting to see Yurio facing the event of aging as a figure skater in the future.

7. We get introduced to the other figure skating competitors, and I have to say that for me, the ones that stand out are Pitchit and Chris, which is funny, since each are friends of our main protagonists Yuri and Viktor. I love that we get their backstories, understand their motivations, and actually see all of their performances. 

Phitchit is just a cinnabun, and I love how supportive he is of Yuri in all he does and just radiates positive energy! And then there’s Chris...ohhh, Chris. I have to admit, one of my friends is actually a LOT like Chris -- maybe that’s why I was drawn to him in the show. His flamboyance is comical, but he also clearly has a good heart. The pool scene with him and Viktor is one of my favorites in the show. 

6. Now, now it’s time for the MEAT of the show. And I’m not talking pork cutlet bowls, y’all. I really had no clue going into this show that it was going to have these three things: First, the humor. 

This show has so much heart and humor -- I found myself laughing so much during this show, mainly with the interactions of our three main leads, but the animation plus the voice acting just NAILS it for me. Viktor being dorky particularly gets me, but Yuri’s reactions are just as golden!

5. Second, and this one is pretty much my jam: The RELATIONSHIPS. Well, specifically, that of Yuri and Viktor. I know I’ve posted this gif in a previous post when I was reacting to Episode 6...but it’s worth re-posting before going further:

I don’t care what gender is involved, if a show has a well-defined and complex relationship, I am ALL IN. Yuri on Ice!!! does not disappoint in this department. 

Yuri starts out as a huge fan of Viktor’s skating, putting him up on a huge pedestal, even naming his dog after him as a kid -- though it’s established Yuri and Viktor are only four years apart in age. 

But, once Viktor starts to coach Yuri, the two come to this mutual understanding of one another and develop this intense bond. I love that Yuri realizes that he does look up to Viktor, but he doesn’t necessarily idolize him -- he actually respects him and knows that Viktor “meets him halfway” when he opens up to him. Viktor, likewise, realizes that Yuri not only isn’t weak, but has incredible potential, and is a kind-hearted person who gives his all and can match Viktor himself in terms of competitive passion towards figure skating, and winning.

There are so many gifs of these two that I can’t post them all, but these two are probably one of my favorite anime couples, now. This idea that alone, you can only go so far, but together, you can be so much stronger! 

Oh, and there’s Yurio -- we get a brief, albeit adorable friendship bloom with him and Otabek Altin from Kazakhstan. Otabek clearly brings out the best in Yurio -- I really hope that we get future development with their relationship, too, since it’s only just started in Episode 10 of 12 in the first season. 

4. Okay, and finally, the STORY and the twists got me in this show! The slow burn of the relationship development between Yuri and Viktor is grand, and you can’t deny the seductive fangirl moment of the forehead touching, or how Viktor is so proud of Yuri that he kisses him in Episode 7, but it’s the plot twists in Episode 10 that just tore the whole show open for me! 

In the episode, Yuri decides to show his appreciation for Viktor (plus give Viktor a birthday/Christmas/”good luck” charm) and gets them matching rings. Of COURSE, we the audience can see the parallels to them being wedding rings. Later, at dinner with the other skaters, Viktor corrects the confused fellow competitors, saying they’re actually “engagement” rings and that he will marry Yuri once he receives a gold medal. 

*Insert the loudest fangirl scream imaginable* 

But then, we discover at dinner that Viktor’s first conversation with Yuri wasn’t actually at the Hatsetsu bath house...it was at the banquet after the Grand Prix where Yuri received last. We find out that Yuri, feeling depressed and down-trodden, got drunk and flirted heavily with Viktor, begging him to come be his coach. Viktor, taken with the whole flirting and proposal, and after seeing how much potential Yuri has with imitating Viktor’s moves in the video the triplet’s posted, decides to come coach him. THAT was why Viktor was so flirty at the start of the show -- he thought that was naturally how Yuri was! Everything at the start of the show that seemed so forward and out of place for Viktor’s character suddenly makes SO much sense after we learn this little tid bit. 

But also, that ending credit scene for Episode 10. Holy guacamole!

3. And then, there was the final in Episode 12! Honestly, I was actually completely fine with Yuri taking silver and Yurio taking gold in the final, even though they were SO close! Yurio establishes that he wants to keep competing against Yuri -- he doesn’t want Yuri to get complacent and just quit after winning this one time and retire. And I love that. I was happy that Yuri got silver, because that means that Yuri’s at least going to skate one more year -- but NOW, with Viktor AND Yurio competing against him, along with the other competitors! It’s such a great way to hype us up for what we hopefully have with another season or the movie. 

2. Okay, just a thought here. I am SO excited to see not only Yuri and Yurio skate again in the next season to come and/or the movie, hopefully, but also VIKTOR skating -- we get previews of it, and they are gorgeous, that I know it’s going to be insane if we have all three competing against one another along with the other competitors. 

However, based on the ending of Episode 12 in the Exhibition Skating event, is there a possibility Yuri on Ice!!! could go into the realm of couples skating. I mean, early on in the season, the Russian coach questions whether Yurio is considering couples skating after getting in a tussle with one of his colleagues. Could we go into this in the future of Yuri on Ice? I mean...the possibilities are pretty endless. It wouldn’t have to just be Viktor and Yuri, either...I MEAN...

1. So, yeah, I pretty much fell in love with this anime. It’s only 12 episodes, but by the end, I just wanted...more! More with these characters, more with their developing relationships, and more gorgeous animation. 

I’m SO excited that a movie is coming out hopefully within the year. If the animation is on par with the “Welcome to the Madness” OVA clip, shown above with Yurio and Otabek, I know that it’s going to be wild. 

Seriously, if you want an anime that has heart, humor, and one of the best anime relationships I’ve seen on screen, give Yuri on Ice!!! a shot, and hopefully, you’ll fall in love with it like I have.

[dreadpiratevinna]

15 Questions

Thanks for the tag @novapark! I tried to do this the other day and I accidentally submitted it before I filled in all the answers, then hit delete instead of edit and I was mad. XD So now let’s give this another shot!

Are you named after anyone?  No, but there is a disproportionate amount of ‘V’s in my family!

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday. Pretty common for me, for different reasons but kinda the same reasons, too. It’s complicated. >.<

Do you have kids? Not yet

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I do, but it depends on who I’m around. I try to keep it sparing around people who don’t know me well.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Teeth and if they have on heavy makeup. It’s more of a fascination than critical. I don’t even wear makeup but I like to watch makeup channels on Youtube. It’s kinda fun how transformative it can be.

What’s your eye colour? Dark Brown, through and through

Scary movie or happy ending? Ummm, if I had to choose only from those two I’d say scary movie, but only if it has a good ending. As in, not something that ruins everything and makes some kind of sense. I personally prefer tragedy and dry comedy, because I’m pretentious like that.

Any special talent? A dash of creativity and the tendency to hyperfocus on things seems to get me pretty far. Does that count as a talent?

What country were you born in? USA

What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, gardening, crocheting, buying yarn(yes yarn acquisition is a separate category), and of course gaming(primarily sims).

Do you have any pets? Yep, two dogs! A cairn/poodle mix and a chihuahua/poodle mix

What sports do you play/have you played? Mostly soccer growing up, a rather embarrassing attempt at basketball, and even a season of cheerleading! 

How tall are you? 5′10″

Favourite subject(s) in school? Art, Chemistry, and A&P

Dream job? Purveyor of fine yarns in a cozy, quaint little shop

I’ve seen a lot of people doing this one so if you haven’t done it and you want to, consider yourself tagged! <3

[angelasscribbles]

Savage Love Chapter Chapter 8: Masquerade

Series: Savage Love

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Riley x Liam, Riley x Drake

Rating: R

Warnings: Mature themes

Word Count: 5,189

Summary: It's the opening night of the social season. Leo is crown prince and agent Riley Brooks is hot on the trail of the Via Imperii, but will she be able to choose between the crown prince's dashing younger brother and the captain of the king's guard, that both set her body, and her heart, afire?

A/N: I've made Drake a captain in the King's Guard in almost every series I've written. But in every other series he has been undercover, or a member of the covert division of the guard. In this fic, that's not the case, everyone is aware of his position.

My other stuff: Master List.

I walked into the ballroom on Maxwell’s arm and watched every head turn as we were announced. Murmurs of excitement rippled through the room as a member of a foreign royal house was announced. I wasn’t the only one. There were several princesses from other countries in attendance, as well as the usual assortment of Cordonian duchesses, countesses, and so on. But I was an unexpected one, so it caused a bit of a stir as everyone clamored for a sight of the new girl.

It was exactly what I wanted. Any members of the Via Imperii had to be impressed by me. I would of course investigate every lead no matter what, but getting them to come to me would be even better. I had several suspects in mind already, either in their own right or because their parents were suspects.

Penelope Ebrim. Hana Lee. Madeleine Amaranth. Olivia Nevrakis. Then there were other suspects that weren’t suitors but were present at court, members of the aristocracy like Neville Vancouer and Tariq Lambros.

I waited my turn in line to greet the prince. Maxwell had done his part by spreading the story of the connection Leo and I had allegedly forged in Monterriso. I stepped up and offered him my hand. He dropped a kiss on the back of it and feigned confused intrigue. I removed my mask and anyone watching would have been convinced of his surprised delight. He was really good at this, if he ever decided ruling wasn’t for him, he could have a career in espionage.

I plucked a glass of champagne from a passing waiter as I sashayed away from him and surveyed the room. I spotted Hana with a group of ladies that I quickly identified from their dossiers. Penelope Ebrim, Kiara Theron, and Madeleine Amaranth. Well, that’s two suspects I had yet to meet in one place chatting with another I’d already befriended. Perfect opening. I crossed the room quickly to join the group.

“Hana, darling! There you are! Don’t you look divine tonight? Seriously, smashing! I don’t believe I’ve met your companions.” I turned toward them expectantly. Yes, I had interrupted. No, I didn’t apologize. The trick was to act like you owned whatever room you were in. It’s how one commanded respect in these circles.

Madeleine arched an eyebrow at Hana as she extended her hand to me, “I’m Lady Madeleine Amaranth, so very pleased to meet you. I had no idea that Lady Hana ran in such illustrious circles.” Oh, an ass kisser. Good to know, that could be exploited, but also, she couldn’t be trusted. Ass kissers were always out for themselves and would desert you the minute they found a more illustrious ass to kiss.

“Oh! Ah…we, um, I mean-“ Hana blushed furiously as she stumbled over her words.

“Oh yes, Hana and I go way back.” All the way back to yesterday but this pretentious bitch didn’t need to know that.

Hana recovered her composure and gave me a grateful smile as she introduced her other two companions, “This is Lady Kiara and Lady Penelope. Penelope makes clothes for poodles!”

“Oh, it’s just a hobby, for now anyway, but….” She rambled on for the next ten minutes about poodles and poodle accessories. She missed every social cue from the rest of the group that no one was interested.

Finally Madeleine had enough, “Oh for God’s sakes Penelope! Shut up! No one cares!”

“Oh, ah…I’m so sorry!” Penelope Ebrim was either too far too naïve and, well, for lack of a better word, dimwitted to be part of the Via Imperi or she put on the best act I had ever seen in my career.

“It’s quite alright, darling. I see that you’re very passionate. Now, Lady Kiara, was that French I heard you speaking earlier?” Cue the most boring conversation you can image about her mastery of seven languages. I speak eight, but who’s counting? I also don’t go around making it my entire personality.

I wanted to put her on my suspect list just because I didn’t like her. She was pretentious and ambitious, but those things alone didn’t make her a suspect.

Madeleine, on the other hand, she fit the bill. Both her parents were suspected members and she seemed to think she was above everyone else just by the position she was afforded at birth. That fit the Via Imperii philosophy, that the rich and powerful were better, and worthier, than everyone else.

She complained endlessly about the ‘help’ as she called them, took every opportunity to name drop and humble brag about her money, connections and latest vacation. It really was tedious, but I encouraged it because I needed her to believe I was like minded, just in case she was my way into the Via Imperii.

When Madeleine was whisked off to dance, I extracted myself from the conversation with the rest of the ladies and turned to scan the room as I walked, looking for another target. I almost ran right into Drake.

“Whoa, there, Brooks.” His arms came out to steady me. I looked up at him and felt the air rush out of my body. Fuck he looked good. I had not been prepared for him to look that damn good.

He was in full Cordonian military dress uniform. My eyes raked over his body taking in the long, deep blue frock coat with silver embroidery and silver buttons. Blue and silver, the Cordonian national colors, of course. A silver piece of braided cord, known as an aiguillette adorned one shoulder, while an impressive display of medals graced his chest on the other side. He wore a matching blue peaked cap with the Rys family crest, a lion posed in a fighting stance, on the front.

“Everything ok?” He asked in amusement.

My eyes snapped up to him as I smoothed my face back into haughty heiress mode, “Everything is fine, Captain. Dance with me?”

“You sure? Shouldn’t you be dancing with Leo or a suspect or something?” He was still giving me that amused look. He was too damn pleased with himself.

“I’m sure.” I told him, “This room is filled with men who are intimidated by women of higher rank than them, especially attractive ones.”

He arched an eyebrow at me, “I see, and dancing with a lowly guardsman will make you seem more approachable?”

“Something like that.” I said as he took my hand and led me out onto the dance floor.

“Happy to help.” He smiled down at me as he pulled my body flush against his and led me through the Cordonian Waltz.

“Yes, I can feel that Captain.” I smirked up at him.

He chuckled, “I’m not trying to hide it. You already know the effect you have on me.”

“I do.” I affirmed, “And I like it.”

“Good to know.” He said as he dipped me.

“You’re a good dancer.” I told him.

“Shhhh.” He grinned down at me, “Don’t ruin my reputation. I don’t want people to remember that I can dance.”

“What?” I laughed.

“I don’t generally dance.” He informed me.

“Why not?”

He shrugged, “I just don’t like it, I’m usually on duty anyway, so many reasons…”

“Well thank you for making an exception for me.”

“Making exceptions for you seems to be becoming a habit for me.”

“What do you mean? What exceptions have you made for me?” I asked curiously.

“Getting involved with someone I have a professional relationship with, competing with Liam for a woman, dancing…I mean, that’s three and I’ve barley known you for a week.”

“Hm. So, are you going to tell me what we’re doing tomorrow?”

“I’ll tell you when we get there, Brooks.”

“Alright. Be a tease then.”

His eyes swept down my body, “You’ll know when I’m teasing you.”

I shivered in response to the desire in his eyes, wondering if he’d find an excuse to come by my room again tonight.

When the song ended, I thanked him for the dance and before I’d taken three steps, one of my targets for the night presented himself to me.

“We haven’t been properly introduced, but if you would allow me the pleasure of a dance, I’d like to correct that.”

I gave a dimpled smile and fluttered my eyelashes, “Why certainly, Lord…?”

“Vancouer. Future Earl of Cormery Isle. But you can call me Neville.”

“Nice to meet you, Neville. I’m Lady Riley Brooks of Monterisso, but you can call me Riley.”

“How did you know I was a lord?” He asked as we spun around the dancefloor.

“Oh, it’s in your bearing. Very regal. I can always tell.”

His chest puffed up as a smile spread across his face, “Ah, a lady of discernment. So refreshing. It’s true, isn’t it? Breeding shows itself.”

“Oh yes,” I replied, “Proper breeding.”

“Exactly! I’m always telling people…” He trailed off as he regarded me thoughtfully, “I noticed you dancing with Drake Walker. You do realize he’s not one of us, right?”

“Yes.” I demurred, “I was simply being polite. He is friends with the younger prince, is he not?”

“Yes. Prince Liam has been tainted by the commoner’s influence, I’m afraid. But I am hopeful that his brother will understand the importance of keeping the nobility happy and appeased and his reign will be a prosperous one for all of us.”

If he wasn’t Via Imperii I’d eat my shoes. He had the philosophy down. Elevate and enrich the already elevated and enriched even more. Nobility was in the blood, it made him better than others and more entitled.

He was also vain and susceptible to flattery. He wasn’t bad looking, but he was arrogant, immature and selfish. I’d wager my parents estate that he didn’t have many women lining up to date him. He should be easy enough to manipulate. If he was a member of the Via Imperii, he was my way in.

While I bristled internally at the slight to both Drake and Liam, on the outside, I kept my charming but aloof and arrogant heiress smile pasted on my face. Drake Walker and Liam Rys were both ten times the man Neville Vancouer could ever hope to be. But being undercover was all about swallowing your true thoughts and feelings. And I was good at it. I’d never have been able to take Rico, or any of the others like him, down if I wasn’t.

Instead, I fed his ego and rubbed up against him just slightly enough that he wouldn’t be able to tell if it was on purpose or not. Yes, I use my feminine wiles to advance my cases. I use what the good lord gave me because my body, my ability to flirt and charm, are tools like any other. No, I don’t give my body up to men that I don’t want to. But I sure make them think I might, and the pursuit of sex can be an incredible motivator. Men get stupid when their brains are clouded with lust. And stupid bad guys are my bread and butter.

I had him eating out of my hand by the end of the dance. “Thank you so much for the dance, Neville. I hope to talk to you again soon, but I promised the prince I’d save him a dance.”

“Oh, you will definitely see me again. I’ve decided to stay for the social season.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” he replied as he kissed my hand, “Now that there is finally something worth hanging around for.”

I tittered at him shyly as I withdrew my hand and sashayed away, casting a coy look back over my shoulder. Always leave them wanting more, make them work for it. Make them sloppy and careless so they let secrets slip.

I found Leo and grabbed him, “Dance with me!” I whispered.

“Ok but slow down there double oh seven!” He laughed as we stumbled onto the dance floor, “What’s the rush?”

“I told a suspect that I promised you a dance. I know he’s still watching me. Can’t look like a liar, can I?”

“No, I guess you can’t.” He smiled down at me with humor twinkling in his ocean blue eyes, “Just as long as you know I have no interest in joining your man harem.”

I snorted out a laugh, “Oh God, Leo, you’re so bad!” I smacked him on the shoulder. “And don’t worry, you’re not my type.”

“Really?” He was laughing but managed to a throw a note of mock hurt into it.

“Really.” I smirked up at him, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but I have a thing for brunettes, with brown eyes.”

“Oh, I noticed alright! You’ve got those two wound up tighter than I’ve ever seen either of them, and believe me, that’s saying something!”

I tipped my head up to look at him curiously, “You know, I feel like most men would be lecturing me about not hurting their baby brother, but you seem amused…”

His head tipped up to laugh, “Liam’s a big boy, but, since you mentioned it…”

“Oh, no.” I groaned, “Not the ‘what are your intentions’ talk, please!”

“No, no. You may not be aware, but I’m no stranger to casual, or multiple at the same time, flings.”

I gasped in feigned shock, “Really?”

“Ha ha. I know you read my file. But what I am saying is that Liam isn’t like me, or you. He doesn’t really do casual. So yeah, I guess I am saying try not to hurt him, ok? He’s a really good person. Way better than me.”

I let myself consider that seriously. “I think you’re a pretty good person, Leo, just for the record. And I don’t plan to hurt Liam, or anyone else. I’ve been up front about my intentions, or lack thereof. I’m only here for a few months, I’m not looking for anything permanent. I notice you didn’t warn me not to hurt Drake.”

“Drake is a little more worldly than Liam.”

I laughed again, I found myself doing that a lot with Leo. I liked him. We could be friends. His sense of humor was irreverent, like mine. “You mean he’s more of a man whore like you.”

“That’s exactly what I mean.” He said as he spun me.

“One more thing.” I said.

“Yeah?”

“Olivia.”

“What about her?” At the mention of her name, his eyes swept the room, looking for her.

My eyes followed his. Olivia was glaring at us from across the room. Oh, boy. “Can I trust her?”

“Yes.” He said without hesitation.

“You know she’s on the suspect list?”

“I’m aware, but there’s no way. I’ve known her since she was four. She’s been my best friend since I was eight. We’re more than royalty to her, more than people who took her in. We’re family. Olivia is nothing if not loyal. She’s fierce and protective of those she loves. She stands up for what’s right, there’s no way she’s a traitor. And she doesn’t buy into the nobility as better than others bullshit either. She cares about her people.” The passion in his voice when he spoke about her struck me. Drake and Liam were both right, Leo was in love.

I nodded, “That’s three votes of confidence.”

He looked at me questioningly.

“Liam and Drake said the same thing, roughly. Minus the being in love with her part.”

“What?” He startled, “I never said-“

“Didn’t have to.” I told him, “It’s in the way you talk about her. Does she know?”

“She knows.” He tried to smile but there was sadness in his eyes.

“Hey, sorry. I know you might not be free to follow your heart at the end of all this.”

His jaw tightened and I felt bad for bringing it up, “I’ll find a way.” He said it so quietly I almost missed it. I believed him.

“Listen, I’ll help you in any way I can, ok?”

He looked back at me in surprise, “Thank you, Riley. I’ll keep that in mind.”

When the dance ended, he bowed to me, brushed a kiss across the back of my hand and flashed that charming, boyish smile before trotting off to sweep another suitor onto the floor.

I turned around and almost ran smack into Olivia. She eyed me up and down and not in a fun, sexy way. I got the feeling she would gut me without a second thought if she needed to.

She extended a hand, “I don’t believe we’ve met yet. I’m-“

I summoned up all my enthusiasm and grabbed her hand as I gushed, “Olivia Nevrakis, I know! Riley Brooks, nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!”

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, which she quickly covered with a haughty expression, “Of course you know who I am. Everyone does.” She sniffed as she patted her hair.

“Oh yes, I was just dancing with Leo, and he couldn’t stop talking about you.” It was sort of true.

Again, surprise shot across her face before she clamped it down. She wasn’t closed off enough to be hiding membership in a secret society. Every emotion she felt flashed across her face. She reigned them in quickly, she might fool the average vapid noble at court, but not me.

Olivia was a palace insider; I could use her insight about the other suitors. About everyone at court, actually. But I’d never gain her trust as long as she saw me as competition.

I pulled Olivia to the side. “Listen. Can I tell you something? But you have to keep it a secret.”

“Why the hell should I keep your secrets?” She sneered at me.

“Because they concern Leo.”

That got her attention. “Whatever it is you think you have with him-“

“There’s nothing between Leo and I.” I said dismissively.

“What?” She looked at me in confusion, “But Max said that-“

I rolled my eyes, “Max got it wrong. Yes, I met Leo in Monterisso, and yes, we got along quite well, but it wasn’t romantic. When the idea of me coming here was presented to my parents, they insisted I come. Good opportunity, public relations, build diplomatic relations with Cordonia blah blah blah. You know how it is.”

“Why on earth would I believe any of that?” Her gaze was one of studied indifference, but underneath, she wanted to believe me.

I leaned in so no one else could hear, “I’m actually interested in someone else.”

She snorted, “Like who?”

I scanned the ballroom and my eyes fell of Liam. “His brother.”

“Really?” She gave me a skeptical look.

“What? Is that so hard to believe? I mean look at him, he’s hot as hell and he’s smart and funny and kind and caring and-“ Damn, I was selling this too well. You’d almost think I did have feelings for him.

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved a hand dismissively, “That doesn’t mean-“

She wasn’t going to believe it just because I said it, I could tell that about her. But this was something I could easily sell, because it was at least partially true.

“He likes me too. Watch.” I pointed to where Liam was standing chatting with a group of nobles, and she turned skeptically in his direction.

I waited until he looked up and caught my eye. I knew he would, he’d been shooting glances in my direction all night. I gave him a sultry smile and a little wave. He did that thing where his whole face lights up and he waved back.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Olivia breathed out as Liam headed our direction but got waylaid by another group of attention seekers.

“Told you.” I smirked at her in satisfaction.

She turned to give me an appraising look, “Ok, fine. I’ll concede that he seems smitten with you and vice versa. But why on earth would you confide that to me?”

“Because I’d like us to be friends. Liam is important to me and you’re important to Leo. Liam told me so. Who knows? We could be sister in laws someday.” I gave her a smile full of innocence and sincerity.

“Liam said that? About me and Leo?” She gave me a sharp look, but I caught the flash of hope underneath it.

I nodded earnestly, “Oh yes!” He had but even if he hadn’t, Drake had and that was good enough intel for me.

She gave me a long searching look then seemed to come to a decision when she nodded at me and said, “You seem to be slightly more tolerable than these other harpies.”

“So does that mean we’re friends?” I asked hopefully.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” She drained her glass of champagne, “But you could prove useful.”

Liam had finally managed to extricate himself and made it over to us, “Lady Riley, Lady Olivia, you both look lovely this evening.” He greeted us both, but his eyes stayed locked on me.

“This is cute.” Olivia gestured between us, “But you might want to reign in it a little, you’re supposed to be here for Leo.”

I arched an eyebrow at her, “Are you complaining that I’m not chasing after Leo?”

A smile quirked at the corners of her mouth, but she repressed it. “Nope. Just reminding you of proper decorum, that’s all. This has been interesting; I’ll see you around.” She waved over her shoulder as she sauntered away.

“I’ve been stuck networking all night, forced to watch you dance with everyone but me.” Liam gave me a playful pout, “Please, rescue me before I have to dance with another diplomat’s wife!”

“Certainly. I’d love to dance with you, Liam.” He turned out to be an excellent dancer. Maybe the best dance partner I’ve ever had. “Wow. You missed your true calling. Professional ballroom dancer.”

He laughed softly, “I don’t think that’s a real position.”

“Oh, it is!” I assured him, “And you could definitely do it!”

“My dance instructor would be happy to hear that.” He grinned down at me. His grin was so damn adorable. How was it possible to be boyishly adorable and skin meltingly hot at the same time? Seemed unlikely, but there he was, doing it.

“I think you just have natural talent.” I told him.

“You have natural talent.” He said suggestively as he dipped me.

I laughed, “You did seem to enjoy yourself.”

“I always do when I’m with you.”

“Glad to be of service.”

“We better change the subject before I lose all self-control and kiss you right here in front of everyone. How’s the investigation going?”

“It’s going well actually. I think I may have found an in.” I told him as I spun out and back in.

“Oh. Already?” He sounded disappointed. Ah. He didn’t want the case wrapped up too soon.

“Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m expecting an invitation tomorrow. How about you? How’s your night been going?”

“Oh, this ball was dull as dishwater until now. The best part of my day was clearly dinner.”

“Yes, that pasta dish particularly was delicious.”

A surprised laugh burst out of him, “Yes, the food. That’s what I was referring to.”

“What else would you be referring to?” I asked teasingly.

His arms tightened around me as his pupils dilated a little. He was so easy to tease, it was fun. I could make this into a whole hobby.

“You’re dangerous.” He breathed out.

“Hope so,” I quipped, “it’s literally my job to be.”

That drew another laugh out of him, “Not quite what I meant.”

He groaned when the music ended, “I don’t want to let go.”

To be honest, I kind of didn’t want him to. Being in his arms wasn’t a bad feeling by any means. Alas, I had bad guys to catch.

Liam’s eyes never left mine as his lips lingered on the back of my hand while he held onto it a few beats longer than decorum required. The back of my hand had been kissed a lot already but that was the first one that set my skin on fire. I shivered imperceptibly and gave him a genuine smile, one I reserved for people I actually like.

I danced with several more people and circulated around the room making friends with other suitors. I worked the room professionally, taking copious notes in my head, paying attention to who talked to who. Dropping subtle comments that a member of the Via Imperi would pick up on, making myself look like a good recruit, someone already rich and powerful who believed it should stay that way, that only aristocratic interests mattered.

Late into the night I made my way out onto a terrace to find Hana standing at the baluster. “Hana?”

She jumped a little as she turned to face me, “Oh Riley! Hi! What are you doing out here?”

“Same as you probably, taking a break from all that dancing!” I answered as I took up a position next to her, gazing out over the grounds.

“Yeah, the dancing.” She sounded defeated.

“Hey, Hana.” I turned to face her, “What’s wrong?”

“I-“ She wiped a tear away, “Nothing, I shouldn’t-“

“It’s ok.” I told her, “I can tell you don’t really want to be here. I know you just met me, but if you ever want to talk, I promise I’ll listen and whatever you tell me, will stay with me.”

Her face lit up with a smile, “Oh, that’s….thank you, Riley. I appreciate it more than you know.”

“Now I’ve got to get off my feet.” I slid into a seat to rest. Pulling my shoes off, I sighed. “That’s better!” I said wiggling my toes.

Hana dried her face as she giggled, then she joined me at the table and pulled her own shoes off, “This is so freeing! I’ve never seen anyone take their shoes off at one of these formal balls before!” She said in scandalized tone.

I laughed and shook my head, “Hana, I can see I’m going to have to loosen you up. You have to learn to live a little.”

“I think I’d like that.” She replied with real warmth in her voice.

“Me too.” I told her and I actually meant it. Sure, she was a person of interest because of her mother, but she was sweet and genuine and definitely needed someone watching her back amongst the vultures at court. There was no way she was a member of the Via Imperi herself. But her parents couldn’t be ruled out.

“Can I tell you a secret, Riley?”

“Sure Hana.” I responded as I started rubbing the bottoms of my feet.

“I like girls, not boys.”

I laughed, “I know.”

“You do?” She said, surprised, “How?”

“Oh, I can always tell. I like girls and boys.” I told her.

Hana blushed furiously. “Have you been with a lot of women?”

“A few. You?”

“A few.” She giggled.

“Do your parents know?”

“No.” She shook her head sadly, “They want me to make a proper match and marry for position and to advance the family.”

I clamped down my anger, “That’s a crock of shit, Hana. You deserve to be happy.”

She nodded but didn’t quite meet my eyes. I’d seen it before. It wasn’t so much homophobia among the elite as it was their adherence to ‘the order of things’, including marrying daughters off for alliances and to advance social positions like this was still the fucking Middle Ages or something. Even in democracies, you still saw it with the wealthiest families. It’s barbaric is what it is.

“Riley, there you are!” I looked up to find Liam beaming down at me, “I was looking for you. And hello to you too, Lady Hana.”

“Hello Prince Liam.”

“Please, just call me Liam.” He told her as he pulled a chair up next to me and took my foot out of my lap into his own, taking over the job of massaging it. “Here, let me help you with that.”

I lifted my eyes to Hana’s. She quirked an eyebrow at me in amusement. I shrugged.

“Mmm, that feels good, Liam. I was wrong, you didn’t miss your calling as a ballroom dancer. You missed your calling as a professional masseur.”

He laughed softly as he pulled my other foot into his lap, “I’m a man of many talents.”

“I’m beginning to see that.” I teased.

“The ball is winding down, they’re about to start shooing people out. I was wondering if you might want to-“

“Brooks! There you are! Do you wanna-“ Drake stepped out onto the terrace, freezing when he noticed Liam.

“Hey Captain. Come on over, pull up a chair.” I told him as I pulled my feet out of Liam’s lap and sat up straight. I shot another look at Hana who had both hands over her mouth repressing giggles. I shook my head and widened my eyes.

“Yeah, I…I should probably just-“

“It’s ok, Walker, don’t make it weird. I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Liam, thank you for the foot rub and for dinner earlier. I’m exhausted and all I want to do right now is take a hot shower and fall into bed.”

There was no way in hell I could choose between them with both of them right there looking at me. I was drawn to each of them in very different ways and there was nothing in me that was willing to hurt either one. Picking one to take back to my room right in front of the other would do that, I had no doubt. My inability to choose dooming me to a night alone.

“Yeah, I get it.” Drake said, offering me his hand to pull me out of my chair.

“Thank you.” I whispered as I leaned in and brushed a kiss across his cheek. “Can’t wait for tomorrow.”

Then I turned and brushed a quick kiss across Liam’s cheek as well, whispering to him, “Another time?”

He grabbed my hands in his and trailed those fire inducing kisses along the backs of them both. “Count on it.”

The four of us walked back through the ballroom together, then along the hall until we parted ways, Drake and Liam heading for the wing that housed the royal family, Hana and I toward the wing that housed the suitors.

“Well, you’re popular.” Hana giggled.

“Yeah.” I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips, “I like them both. It might be a problem.”

“What about Leo?” She looked at me quizzically.

I shrugged, “You know there are like thirty women here and he can only pick one, right?”

“Right….”

“So why limit our own options?”

A scandalized giggle squeaked out of her. “Riley! You’re the most outrageous person I’ve ever met! And I love it!”

“Thanks. And Hana?”

“Yeah?”

“I meant what I said about a shower and falling into bed, but you’re welcome to join me if you like.”

She grinned shyly and nodded her head.